Hey everyone, I'm 19 and have been confused about myself for a little over a year now. I don't think I'm gay, but I still question myself on a daily basis, constantly analyzing and stressing about my life. I really started questioning myself when i was able to be turned on by gay porn. It confuses me because I don't find it as something I want to do. This is where it gets weird: I am aroused by gay porn, but I am not aroused by pictures of naked men. I test myself all the time because I constantly want to prove that I'm not gay. I look up pictures of naked guys (even though I dont want to see them) and scroll through pages of them, and dont get aroused at all. But I get aroused at gay porn. I grew up attracted to girls, had very intense crushes on girls where they were all I thought about, dreamt about, and fantasized about touching and holding. I was aroused by women my entire life, masterbate to boobs and pussy, and even had a girlfriend. I would get aroused very easily whenever touching my girlfriend or kissing her, but never had sex because I was always very insecure about my penis size (which is big, not to brag, but I don't know why I was so obsessed and insecure about it). I was bullied a lot growing up, which always kept me from being able to gain the confidence to ask girls out, even though thats what I always wanted. I still get aroused by women, but the constant stressing and questioning of my sexuality has killed my libido and makes it difficult to find excitement in anything. I never want a boyfriend, I never had a crush on a guy, and I never want to even touch another man in a sexual way, it grosses me out (no offense anyone, its just not my thing). But i still worry 24/7 that I'm somehow gay. Please let me know what you guys think. I think it is something about the porn itself that arouses me, like the sexual energy and the inhibition of it. I feel like gay porn is somehow more real emotion in it and that's what I get an erection from. I also get aroused just as easily when I see porn with women that genuinly enjoy that they are having sex. So idk...
Dude, porn is just there to get you off really and it has no basis on your sexuality (I'm gay and watch straight porn and that does not make me any less gay) so its ok for you to get aroused by gay porn (some straight guys do either because of it being taboo or questioning) but anyway, bottom line is you like who you are attracted too not who you like to watch.
The people who make porn make it for other people to enjoy. It's meant to get you aroused. However porn is like a drug. Don't watch too much gay porn, because if you are straight (which it seems to me that you are) you won't be turned on as much by straight sex and you might be led to believe you are gay and that can lead to depression. It sucks I'm struggling with that right now. Good luck!
Thanks, i worry about it constantly. And even though i get aroused, i still dont ever have the desire to watch it. I worry about it so much that I find myself looking at any decent looking guy in public and question myself constantly of "do i want to have sex with him, would i get aroused by touching him? Or seeing him naked?" And it drives me insane. I hate it.
I think porn can only indicate whether you are not sexually interested in a gender. You are worrying too much for nothing. I'd advise you to focus your energy on fighting homophobia instead of questioning your orientation (for now, at least).
I don't think homophobia really exists as people describe it. People arent scared of homosexuality, i think most people have different views regarding it, and i think they have the right to have their own views, regardless if they are religious in origin or not
Im not scared of it. I have 2 gay people in my family and I dont have nightmares about them lol. It's not homosexuals that scare me, its the fact that I could have lived my entire life, happy, and had emotional relations with women and physical attractions, only to find that i "must embrace the gay side". I dont think i have a gay side. I think there are pschological reasons why people have certain attractions and perversions. By writing this its making me feel better about my situation as well. What i would be scared of is the thought that I would somehow be told by people that any attraction towards anything other than the opposite sex is inborn. It is undeniable. I dont think this is true, and it is an awful thing to have to tell someone that they must embrace it, because it is their true self. I think living a homosexual lifestyle would be one of emptiness, and narcisism. I think instead of telling people to embrace any deviation, that they should encourage them to resolve any underlying issues that may have caused it to begin with
Okay, dude. So far it seems to me that you're straight (but that's not up to me to decide.) also, i think you're overanalyzing your sexuality. when you watch gay porn, you get aroused from the emotional intimacy or the way they perform it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're turned on by the men themselves. I think it is quite true that most straight porn lacks that emotional intimacy, so it is understandable if you find it in gay porn and find yourself turned on.
Thanks for the reply, Yeah i find myself really turned on by porn when I can tell both people are really enjoying it. I honestly think that because ive had such rejection from every one of my crushes growing up, and always felt inadequate to women, that it translates into my porn. When i see gay porn i automatically feel like both people are uninhibited and free to do anything they want to eachother, and arent judging one another. But when i also get just as aroused by porn with women when i see that they are submissive and giving it all up as well. Some porn makes me think that the women are constantly judging the guy, not enjoying it, and that theres some kind of chore being done. I hope that makes sense, but thats what i think
I agree with you that not every man who has sex with men is automatically gay. He may have suffered childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a man, leading to a compulsive desire to have with men (but not really enjoying it) to try to heal the trauma. He may also be bisexual or "heteroflexible". However, when you say: I have to profoundly disagree with you. Living a "homosexual lifestyle" IS NOT necessarily full of emptiness and narcissism. Despite media stereotypes, for those that are truly gay, living as an out gay man can be a joyous, authentic, wonderful experience. There can be love and marriage and kids. For the truly gay, the alternative is a life of closeted misery, secrets and shame. It is no way to live. No amount of therapy can change who they are. When you say you think living a "gay lifestyle" is automatically empty and narcissistic, that is the very definition of internalized homophobia. While I understand that you may be struggling with internalized homophobia, you need to understand that saying things like that is offensive and inappropriate in forum like this that is meant to be a safe space. ---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2015 at 12:48 PM ---------- Also, please be aware that people are still attacked and sometimes killed for being (or being perceived to be) gay or bisexual in the US and around the world. And particularly in parts of Africa right now. Homophobia is real, and in some contexts, life threatening.
i guess someone who is "truly gay" would find enjoyment in the gay liftestyle. I guess that proves that I'm not gay, because I know I would personally never be happy like that
