Since I was 12 or so I identified as bisexual. My first kiss and intimate encounters were with women but my last three partners have all been cis men. (tmi?) I find sex with my cis boyfriend is really not fun and sometimes grosses me out. As the years go on it grosses me out more and more. I really like the idea of dating women and doing things with women. I much prefer doing things by myself and it makes me wonder if I'm slowly becoming more of a lesbian or an asexual or something. And if that's the case how would I bring it up to my boyfriend? The disgust has been really slow to settle in but it's a lot stronger and more of an issue than it was a year ago. How do I mention it without being accused of lying or not being honest with him? At first things seemed okay and it's usually been ok with increasing amounts of disgust as the year went by, so it wasn't like I knew instantly one day that I found it gross and unappealing. I also don't want him to think he's gross or that he turned me into some other sexuality. I've felt the disgust start creeping in slowly starting with the first boyfriend, so i think it's not specifically this guy who is the problem. I do love and care about him and felt the same for the other guys I've dated, but sex with them is gross and unappealing. Any thoughts?
Hi, anywhere! Welcome to EC! You could be biromantic but primarily homosexual in terms of labels. I don't think you are necessarily becoming something much; sexuality is wired from birth. It could rather be that you're slowly realizing that you're not very sexually attracted to men. You could tell him the truth, but gently. You could tell him that you're finding the idea of lesbian sex more appealing and that it has crossed your mind to date other women. I can also ask you; does he know you're bi? If not, start there. I think it might also be good to ask yourself; since you do not seem sexually interested in your boyfriend, how do you want it to continue? Would you like to have sex less often? Would you consider an open relationship? And so on. It provides a framework for how to approach the subject. If he seems offended or hurt because he hasn't been pleasing you, it is good to remind him that you love him. Affectionate words like honey, baby, etc., are good to keep up through the conversation. It can help him feel less insecure. But also make sure not to make promises you will be unwilling to keep later. For example, if you were to decide that you wanted to try an open relationship and he was very much against that, try to make sure not to give in to the heat of the moment and say it will only be him forever or so - it's good to think about yourself as well! Hope that helps x
You are highly unlikely to be biromantic/homosexual since there's zero credible evidence for a separation between romantic and sexual orientation. What's a lot more likely is, as you have surmised, you are getting more comfortable with your identity as homosexual. It's very common for people who, early on, identify as bi (or some other unrecognized label that essentially mean the same thing) to find that as they accept themselves more, their attraction toward same-sex relationships grows and the attraction toward opposite sex decreases. This doesn't reflect a change in orientation as much as a dropping of the denial and bargaining processes that people go through as they come to the path of acceptance. There's no easy way to tell your boyfriend other than to be honest. Since it is not likely to change, it's probably best that you just have a very difficult conversation with him sooner rather than later.
I tend to be with Chip on this one. I think the way you are telling us is a good way to tell him. The notion that it's been a slow build-up process of realization (I would avoid using the word "disgust"...there are gentler ways to say what you need to say there), but that you're pretty sure you're a lesbian...or at the very least that you feel for sex with women, and to not have sex with men. You say "as the year went by"...does that mean you've only been with him a year? Or was that a typo? If it's been a year or less, then neither of you is in *so* very deep if the relationship needs to end. Just be sensitive and diplomatic.
Bisexuals can have seperate preferences. Ask any bisexual. Orientation is something else. One can prefer women sexually and men romantically, for example. Again, ask any bisexual. Sometimes the preferences are significant. That said, it is possible that OP might be gay. I tried to express that in my post but looking back I can see that I didn't. So good input on that. and I would also quite like to see the conclusive scientific evidence that says that attractions can't be seperate to an extent.
I think that you may be a biromantic homosexual, meaning you could be in a romantic relationship with a man or a woman, but you only are sexually attracted to women. You also mentioned that you may be asexual. Go out and try to have a sexual encounter with another female. If you feel weird or grossed out, like you do with guys, you may be a biromantic asexual. You you have always identified as bisexual until now, you may be in denial and may be homosexual. Personally I think that you are a biromantic homosexual, but only you could figure out your own sexuality.
Any bisexual, eh? *raises hand* Funny, I've already agreed with Chip. I agree that many bisexuals have a preference sexually for one sex or the other. I also agree that they may have greater romantic ease/comfort with one sex or the other. In my personal case, these have turned out to line up pretty consistently, but I see no reason why in theory they could not differ...although I tend to defer to research. But I have never heard of a bisexual who is sexually attracted to one sex, disgusted by sex with the other, but has romantic attraction to that other sex. To me, that defies the definition of bisexual.
Why is no one listening, lol. I only said that most bisexuals know about preferences and that they can be seperate to some extent. Nothing else. And you just agreed with me on that. I have heard of many such bisexuals.
