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Straight? Bi-curious? Bisexual

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by hiathaexpress, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. hiathaexpress

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    I'm a 27 year old male and I've only had female sexual and romantic partners ever since I started dating in high school.

    However, over the last 3 years I've grown exceptionally close to a male friend and we are inseparable. We look to each other for advice in tough times, share secrets, enjoy each others' success; we are almost an extension of each other's thoughts / minds. While I have been (sexually) with 2 women in the past and fairly intimate with another 3, I am confused.

    Emotionally, I am most certainly attracted to my friend. The confusion, however, is that I am only attracted (sexually) to a certain type of male; it isn't as wide a range as it is with women. I also enjoy watching gay porn and over the last several months I've watched more gay than straight porn.

    What am I?
     
  2. hullaballoo

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    Tbh you sound biromantic as you're romantically attracted to both men and women, and also bisexual (even if you have a type of man you like~). Plus preferring a porn preference over another doesn't mean it matches your orientation
     
  3. HopefulRebecca

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    Indeed, what hullaballoo said. You'll have to find a title that seemingly works for you.
     
  4. bi2me

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    Are you sexually attracted to this friend, or does he not meet your type? Sometimes people find that as they become emotionally attached to someone that their "type" doesn't matter as much, but not everyone experiences that.
     
  5. QBear

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    Well, it's hard to say for sure from what you've said.
    The kind of porn we like is not necessarily a very good indicator of who we want to be with in real life. Some lesbians really like gay porn, but have no desire to sleep with men.
    And similarly, your closeness with your male friend could simply just be a very close, loving platonic friendship. Although such closeness in platonic friendships is accepted between women, it is not as accepted between men due to homophobia.

    Here's a some questions that might help clarify things for you:

    * When you are at the beach, who do you notice first? The women or the men? Or both? Or some subset of both?

    * Can you imagine yourself having a husband? A wife? Either?

    * Do you develop crushes on women? On men? On both?

    * Have you had sex with men? How did it feel? Immediately after having sex with a man, did it seem like something you'd want to do again?

    *Are you sexually attracted to your close friend?

    I hope these questions help.
     
  6. Cubster1980

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    It is a possibility you might be bisexual but more straight leaning than gay leaning. You may be like a Kinsey Scale 2. I am bisexual and I am like a Kinsey Scale 3 or 4. I am a bit more gay leaning than straight leaning.
     
  7. hiathaexpress

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    I am open to experimenting with him sexually. I have fantasized about it as well... several times too. He may not fit my "perfect" type but the emotional connect makes it a moot point, tbh.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2015 at 11:52 AM ----------

    1. Beach - I notice and appreciate both.

    2. Husband / Wife - Due to still being confused / closeted, I can't imagine (yet) having a husband. Have a wife seems like a higher possibility between the two. BUT, I can most definitely imaging living with my friend for the rest of my life. Just the two of us, abroad, amongst ourselves. My life would be perfect.

    3. Crushes - both

    4. Sex - I've never had sex with a man but I want to. Maybe start gradually with being intimate (kissing / touching) first and then moving on (hand / blow) to more stuff.

    5. Attracted - It started as an emotional attraction first. And until earlier this year, when a bisexual (female) friend suggested I might be bi as a passing comment when listening to me describe my feelings for my friend I started to reflect on it. Since then, I've started to look at my friend differently.

    Thing is - emotionally I want him to also feel the same way about me - love me as much as I love him. And I think being sexual with him would be a way for us to express our love in one way.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Aug 2015 at 11:58 AM ----------

    Before you offer more help, advice and support - I just want to thank each one of you. I'm so relieved to have not only found this community but also happy to know there are people willing to help and offer their advice / support.

    I've been struggling and confused for a few months in my search for answers. So, again, THANK YOU!

    Please keep the posts coming through :slight_smile:
     
  8. hiathaexpress

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    I just took the Kinsey test here and I was given a 3.

    I'm still confused.. Lol
     
  9. bi2me

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    I come up a three too. I think sexuality can be confusing no matter what, at least if you aren't completely straight, or it changes.
     
  10. sam the man

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    hiathaexpress, I can definitely relate to you on many aspects of your post. Recently I've developed feelings for a male friend which like you were "unlocked" by a close emotional bond and also seem mostly romantic although a little sexual too. So I can relate very much to your attraction to your friend, it's pretty similar to my experience also. I can also relate to being really confused, to the point it's sometimes difficult to even trust what I'm feeling.

    This is actually pretty rich coming from me because I'm guilty of overthinking at many points (trying to improve my mentality though) but perhaps a good approach would be to accept the uncertainty. Maybe you're straight, maybe you're bi, maybe something in between. But you know what your feelings are when they arise, so perhaps you could just embrace them without having to find a word for them? Just roll without a label for a while, as you enjoy the feelings you have.

    I think sometimes the best thing you can do is sit back and accept that maybe the best things to bring you an answer are just time and experience. It's very irritating when you want an answer (I'd know), and it's a bit of a non-answer, but honestly when you find yourself going in circles over these questions it can be the most effective idea. The main thing is that you know what feelings you have, and you sound pretty sure of them, and that matters more than the words you use to describe them.
     
  11. RawringSnake

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    This. All of this (emphasis mine). Beautiful answer.
     
    #11 RawringSnake, Aug 23, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2015
  12. hiathaexpress

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    Thanks for your response sam the man.

    Have you considered talking to your friend about it? Do you know / feel if he has the same feelings for you?