I'm a 17 year old girl. I've always dated guys because like many young girls are told, "having a boyfriend is okay/right". In middle school, I used to check out girls . Back then, I thought I was doing it out of sheer jealousy, but nowadays, I know that isn't the case. As said before, I've always dated guys, but something felt like it was.. missing when I did. I got my first girlfriend a year ago, and my feelings for her were WAY stronger than my feelings for any boy I've ever dated. I was head over heels, felt all those crazy butterflies and sparks whenever she even looked at me.. i was so.. comfortable dating her, despite my moms protests. We eventually broke up, and i became confused about my sexuality because I always told myself I was straight..after this, I met a nice boy (so i thought ) and we dated. He was nice..sweet, but I never felt anything kissing him. None of those sparks. I rarely got butterflies around him. I say rarely because I did on occassion. We dated for 6 months until I realized that I was bisexual with a preference to females, so I broke it off. We did sexual things (no sex) and they were.. kinda enjoyable? I felt like doing them was a chore. I felt like I wasn't being true to myself. I fantasize about girls so much it's ridiculous . 2 months later, I'm just confused. I KNOW i'm attracted to females, i want to be with a female. I know i do. But im scared if i label myself a lesbian, then a guy will come along. I can't.. see myself with a guy i think guys are cute.. attractive, but i have no desire to date them anymore. I told myself i found a guy who was that one exception, i would, but i dont really have interest in being with a male. I don't even have reactions to seeing shirtless guys,but if i see a girl I'm instantly turned on. I think my biggest fear is coming out as lesbian, and somewhere down the line realizing i never really was. Do i need to grow older and have sexual experiences with both to actually KNOW? sorry this is so long. I'm really confused and it's making me cry.
You don't need to have sexual experience to know but it may help affirm what you feel. Sexuality is fluid and can change. At one point you could have been bisexual but as you grew up and learned more about yourself and your feelings you found that you had a stronger preference for women: so much that you could be a lesbian. On the Kinsey scale you could be a 5. To me you seem set on women and thus a lesbian! Its ok to be confused about your feelings, just keep on feeling~ Good luck ^▽^
You seem to be leaning more in the lesbian side of the spectrum then bisexual; but only you can figure that out truly.
From what your saying, you sound like a lesbian, but try not to worry so much about labels. If you are attracted to women, see yourself with a woman, and want to date woman, then date women. And so what if you sexuality evolves in future? Do what feels natural to you right now (dating women), and let the future sort itself out. And remember that, while coming out is difficult, the folks here at EC will support you, and it does get better. I hope you feel better.
