Hi, I have been questioning my sexuality on the major part for the last year and a bit. It started when I was told my bosses Brother is gay and all of a sudden I felt this blind panic and felt like I was going to faint. Suddenly years of feelings and things that I hadn't really thought about came flooding to the surface and I couldn't handle them. I told my boss what I was thinking (my boss is also my best friend) and he just let me carry on until I was ready to talk about in a calmer manner. Over the years I have noticed that I am aroused by men; Daniel Radcliffe shirtless in his jeans in Equus (about 6 years ago I think); masturbating over Novak Djokovic shirtless (a present I got my sister, a few years ago) and within the last year, when reading Attitude magazine, getting turned on by Kenzie in his boxer shorts (bulge etc etc) and and actor from Walking On Sunshine. Now the reason I am confused if because I thought, even though I am still not comfortable with the fact I m gay and was still slightly questioning it, I thought it would be a good idea to tell my Mum. I was looking at guys on my holiday that I had just been on and I noticed I liked them and was looking at them a lot more than the women. Anyway, I told my Mum and she proceeded to inform my Sister, Dad, Grandma and Uncle. When this happened I got this weird feeling of pressure (everyone was completely supportive I might add) and I have started to question everything about my sexuality. I am starting to look at girls and boys and asking, do I fancy them? I get turned on by the thought of heterosexual sex and gay sex, and I do find girls pretty. However, I never have the overwhelming feeling of wanting to have sex with them. I have been with guy in the past but have only really been with one guy (intercourse). I kind of enjoyed it at times but it literally is only a couple, and I struggle to "keep it up" if you catch my drift. I have tried bottoming and I kind of liked that, and I tried topping but I kind of got bored... I have never been with a girl and thinking back when I looked at girls I would always think, oh yeah she is pretty maybe I should fancy her and so I told myself I did, if that makes sense. Basically, the issue nor is that I feel numb towards everything and I am not find anyone I fancy and and worried I have made this statement to my family and it is not right. I over-think everything and suffer with anxiety too, I know this is a factor but any advice would be most appreciated. Thank you.
Hello wildestdreams. From what you write above, you do seem to be into guys. You mention that growing up, your crushes on girls were because you found them pretty and thus should fancy her. Did you have any crushes on guys growing up? You can find girls attractive, beautiful,pretty and appreciate them. Finding someone attractive and getting attracted are tow different things. But are you physically-emotionally drawn to girls? Also, porn is a very unreliable indicator of sexuality. So do not jump to conclusions depending on the type of porn you watch. Try relying on real life situations. I can completely identify with over-thinking and anxiety, and it is really stressful, but try taking things slow. If, for now, you feel that you are unsure, you could say ' I realised I like guys too'. Try taking smaller steps and each day as it comes By the way, it s great that you have a supportive family and a boss/friend
Well, its hard saying, but it sounds like you are at least bisexual and probably gay. If you're noticing men much more than women, that is a pretty decent indicator that you are mostly gay. That is, you could be a Kinsey scale 5, and still have a little attraction to women or you could be totally gay, and have no attraction to women. You may need to try having some experiences with women to really sort this out. I also agree with the points myself123 made. But no matter what, its okay. Hang in the there!
In answer to myself123 I think I had some crushed on guys at school but I never really thought anything of it, but looking back I found some guys attractive and noticed more things about them than girls. I don't think I am emotionally/physically drawn to girls and notice their beauty but I wouldn't say I think; 'Cor I'd like to do this that and this to her'. Thank you QBear for the introduction to the Kinsey Scale. I had never heard of this before. I think at the moment I am around a 6/7 mark, but that could be as I am still questioning and confused. Thanks. .
Like I said in another post, just because you are a gay guy doesn't mean you can't appreciate a girl's beauty. But there's a big difference between "finding someone pretty" and being physically/sexually attracted to them. And like myself123 pointed out, the type of porn you watch does not define your sexuality. For example, some lesbians enjoy watching gay male porn. The gap between fantasy and reality is huge. You don't need to label yourself just yet if it brings anxiety. You have the right to still be questioning and for sure, you will find answers with more time and experience. :icon_wink
Well, you do seem to be into guys then Or atleast lean towards guys. If you are anxious, like I said, take things slow. Rely on real life situations, see whom you are attracted to, how you feel. Don't try to overthink to much, constant analysing is stressful. See what comes naturally. We're here for you. Hope you feel better
Thank you. I know I need to just kind of step away and stop from constantly questioning the situation. I am going to try and just relax and see what happens. At least my family knows what I'm thinking, so I think that's good.
