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So confused??!!! Am I straight, bi or lesbian??

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by grungeteen, Aug 23, 2015.

  1. grungeteen

    Regular Member

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    I feel like over the last few weeks, I've become even more and more confused with my sexuality- it's on my mind 24/7 and it's killing me!

    I've just gotten my first ever boyfriend whom I've liked for ages and I still do really like him but I'm so uncomfortable with him and admitting/ saying to others "he is my boyfriend" because I don't know, I feel so uncomfortable with the word boyfriend whereas I would feel more comfortable and proud saying to some "she's my girlfriend". Most of my life i though I was 100% straight. I want to do all these things like kissing and hugging with him and I daydream am about it but when it comes to doing it in real life right there, I get so fidgety and I flinch or tense up if he touches me and sometimes it makes me think about whether I really do want to be with him and then it gives me doubts on whether I am bisexual and maybe I'm lesbian but there are so many things contradicting that. I like this guy so much but I know that inside I want to be with a girl but I don't want to sacrifice him because I know that at my age, I'm never going to find a girlfriend. When I think of being with him or boys in general, I like it but there's always something missing- excitement in a way but with girls, a lot of the time, the mysterious ness that men have is missing. I'm also so much more picky with girls I find attractive- like only 1 in 10 girls I see whereas with men, it's more like 5 in 10. I can see myself marrying both a girl and boy but I'm wondering whether my desire for the man is something that has been forced into me by society and the 'prince charming' idea I have been seeing all my life.

    It seems like every teenage girl I meet says she is bisexual and it always invokes Sort of a competition inside me; this particularly happens with my best friend, I sometimes feel like I have to beat her in how bisexual I am in order to be 'valid' if you know what I mean. At summer camp, all the girls were kissing each other in the changing rooms and I didn't join in because I want my first kiss to be special but because I didnt, I felt really left out and I felt like I was a 'fake' bisexual because I didn't want to kiss the other girls.

    I feel like a relationship with a girl would lack that 'protectiveness' and 'dominancy' that men have but I think I only want that because I've grown up with that idea all my life, mostly from media.

    I'm so confused and I feel bad for wanting a girlfriend especially when I'm already in a relationship. I don't know whether to end it with him because i do because my real desire is with a girl (or atleast i think it is) but at the same time, I have feelings for him and he might be the only boy who will ever have them back but I don't know if I can continue this relationship if I feel so uncomfortable, it just feels wrong when I call him my 'boyfriend' and when he calls me his girlfriend or chick.

    I can't talk to my 'bisexual' bestfriend about any of this because she just doesn't seem to understand and she gets so annoyed whenever I talk about bisexuality or anything, I don't know why, plus she has feelings for my boyfriend (or atleast did). When I do talk to her about any of this she just doesn't understand in a mean way and sometimes it's lieshe is is trying to make me feel wrong. AT the moment, there are no girls I would go out with who are available (I have a crush on this lesbian girl but she already has a girlfriend).
    I don't know whether I'm straight, bisexual or lesbian?????!!!!!!
    Help!!!
    I'm planning to come out via Instagram at the beginning of the school year as bisexual but I'm not ready to tell my family yet but I want the school and everyone in my class to know.
     
  2. levi2000

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    If you are attracted to both men and women, you are probably bisexual, though you might have a preference.
    It sounds to me like you're bisexual, but with a preference for women (but I can't tell you for sure, only you can do that!).
    As for your boyfriend, I would recommend that you talk to him about what's bothering you. Explain to him how you feel. And if you decide to break up with him, just know that you're still young and have plenty of time to find the right person for you.

    I hope I could help. Feel free to message me with any questions!
    Good luck!
     
  3. makeuplover

    Regular Member

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    I am going through the same sort of thing right now! I don't have a boyfriend but I always thought I was straight because I have always had crushes on guys but to be honest none of them were really 'emotional' crushes mor just like oh I he is good looking I like him! But on the other hand I have never had a crush on a girl either! I feel like that might be because My whole life I have automatically assumed that I had to like guys and thats why I have had crushes on guys! I am exactly like you now I find 1 in 10 women I am attracted to but 5 in 10 guys I am attracted to! but I can picture myself with a guy or a girl but recently I have been thinking that I might be more comfortable with a girl and I honestly am just soo confused and am just trying to figure my feelings out I honestly have no clue what I am! But enough about me! I think that if you dont feel comfortable with your boyfriend and you are really sure about that then you should end it! You should be nothing but happy and comfortable in whatever situation you are in.
    Let me know how everything works out!