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realizing youre gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by salinas, Aug 24, 2015.

  1. salinas

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    Im a mexican 21 years old VIRGIN male, (sorry for the bad english) but i really need help... All my life ive been atracted to women, i can remember all my past crushs being females, enjoying straight porn, and having a satisfiying relationship with an ex-girlfriend. But lately ive been having trouble on deciding my sexual orientation... ive tried to have sex with girls before... 4 times to be exaclty but 3 out of those times i was under the influence of drugs (weed, molly, alcohol) and very nervous so i couldnt get an erection... i really wanted to loose my virginity but after that disapointment i stoped trying because of the embarrasment it caused me with the female partners... so i didnt tried anything with girls for like 2 years i was very nervous even to talk to them (at this point i wasnt aware of my atraction te males)... so anyways the last time ive tried to hook up in the club or so ive kissed and dryhump a lot of girls and get an erection, but didnt have intercourse because she didnt wanted to... anyways since that event i gained myself confidence with women again and have a lot of hookups with girls (didnt had sex but enjoyed the experience) and in my university i would spend a lot of time fantazising with girls i like and even geting an erection just for this fantasies.
    The confusion begined two months ago, when i caught myself noticing guys in movies, at first i thought that was normal because i was simply recognizing the beauty in a person of my same gender, but then this has started to get me nervous and anxious because i dont stare at guys in mvies only, now i checked them out in the street and even my male friends. Today i got nervous with a male friend of mine because i looked that atraction in his face, it had never happened before to me. So today i got the courage to decide if im gay or not trying to look to gay porn and even though i wasnt enjoying it at first i ended liking it at the end. But this likeness to gay porn bringed me also a lot of insecurities, 1.- i dont know if im gay, and 2.- im afraid of being gay, even thoug i like the gay porn i dont see myself having sex with a male neither romantically atracted to a male, i dont know if this is unconsious denial or what... im very confused and scared and dont know what to do... i might also be afraid to stop liking women because ive romatically know that i like them, sexually i might... if someone has a similar situation please tell me what you do to know your sexual orientation.
    Saludos (Greetings in Spanish)
     
  2. andimon

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    Maybe you're just discovering a part of your sexuality you haven't known of before. Rejection doesn't result in orientation change, no. Welcome to EC, by the way(*hug*)
     
  3. salinas

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    thanks andimon, i would like you to tell me how was it for you discovering that you were gay, have you always been atracted to man, i dont know if im gay or bisexual and honestly im kinda affraid to fin out
     
  4. IG88

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    You sound straight. If not, you don't sound that gay at all. You're getting erections to women, so that's definitely a straight guy reaction lol. Those first failed attempts at sex with a girl were definitely from the drugs because they lower your libido and every guy may have trouble getting it up in those circumstances.

    But good idea coming here, it's always good to talk about these things and see what others have done.
     
  5. andimon

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    I've always been gay, so never struggled with this. From the way I see things there are two case scenarios: (1) you're straight (2) you're bisexual. Neither of them sound bad, so you should chill for the time being. It's normal not to see yourself involved in a relationship with a man at this point, you're still used to the hetero normative mentality.
     
  6. salinas

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    thank you ig88 and andimon, for your answers but im really shocked that i liked the gay porn and me noticing the guys in the streets kinda make my anxious,do your stories have something in common with mine? do you where also atracted to girls at some point of your life just to find out that you liked guys more?
    i really REALLY apreciate the support on this forum!
     
  7. Wantsuki12

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    You're straight. If you were bisexual, you wouldve always had an attraction to men, and also have crushes on them. If you could never see yourself holding hands with a guy, kissing a guy, and living with a guy, then you arent gay at all. Noticing guys good looks or something may be from some kind of insecurity you have in yourself, and you may be fixated on their qualities thay you lack. Just a possibility
     
  8. salinas

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    thanks wantsuki12... i dont know this "noticing guys thing" has only happened for the past two or three months but is leaving me full of insecurities now im always thinking about my sexuality and sometimes i get frustrated thinking im a gay in denial... i try to fantasize with guys but have a hard time doing it... which also make me thinks im dening it and because im thinking about this things all the time i also loosed interest in woman... also i forgot to tell that a lot of people confuse me with a gay guy, i dont know why but that also makes me wonder "what if im gay and i dont know it yet?" i wish someone could tell me what is like to be in denial. ¿Do you always liked man or did you liked woman at first?
     
  9. Andrew193012

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    Hey there I'm just 15 but I have an experience before about this stuff. When I was 12, I had a crush on my classmate she's very pretty. I fantasized about her but not that much. But i can feel she doesn't like me. Then out of nowhere, while I'm playing basketball I suddenly fell attracted to my friend. He is hot and good looking too. I fantasized about him A LOT and after some time I fell in love with him but he is straight so I got over that. Now, I'm just waiting for classes to start to finally meet new people and new atmosphere. :-D Xd
     
  10. QBear

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    I'm a hetero leaning bisexual (Kinsey 2-2.5), and I liked women first, but guys later. I DID have my first physical experience with a guy fairly young, though, at 14.
    Some people do discover their bisexuality later in life though - its not uncommon.

    On the other hand, you really don't sound gay to me at all. You might be bi or heteroflexible? (Kinsey 1 or 2)

    And just because other people think you fit a gay stereotype, doesn't make it so. There are plenty of gay men who look totally butch, and plenty of straight men that are effeminate. Forget about people who make assumptions about you. They are idiots.

    I can relate to your feeling of looking at guys in movies, though. When you really noticed a guy in a movie, could you imagine him holding you or kissing you? Because that is what I felt - it goes a bit beyond merely thinking he is attractive. If you just think they look good, but don't imagine them kissing you or get aroused, then your probably straight.

    Also, porn is not a reliable indicator of sexuality. I've said this a thousand times, but some lesbians watch gay porn and don't want to be with men in real life, and some straight men watch gay porn, but don't want to be with men in real life.

    That said, if you DO imagine kissing the guys in the movies, or get aroused, and may be bisexual, but have a difficult time imagining a serious relationship with a man, just remember that homophobia and heteronormativity sometimes cloud our ability to see all our possibilities. If you are bisexual, it does get easier to see a happy and fulfilling life with time.

    Does this help?
     
    #10 QBear, Sep 4, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2015
  11. Confuseddude

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    Don't know if it helped the original poster qbear but asa guy in a remarkably similar position I can say it certainly helped me.

    ---------- Post added 5th Sep 2015 at 11:28 AM ----------

    So thanks :wink:
     
  12. QBear

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    Glad to hear it. :slight_smile: