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I Hate My Orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Umami, Aug 25, 2015.

  1. Umami

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    I'm homoromantic bisexual as far as I can tell. That means I find women sexually and romanticaly attractive (although I must admit that I've never done anything sexual with a woman in person), but I only find men sexually attractive. Dating men is a complete waste of time for me, since I can't fall in love with them. I'd end up miserable and ultimately end up hurting them as well.. so it's always better that I avoid it. And having sex with men has usually been boring, painful, degrading, frustrating, and sometimes gross.. so I generally avoid that as well (although every once in a blue moon it's pretty good).

    But it's still frustrating because I lust after them like crazy and get madly infatuated over them to the extent that I become illogical. I still get jealous of other girls and everything. But all for nothing.. because after a about month or two, I always realize I don't actually like or care about them. Every time. And there's nothing I can do about it. I hate it when I get like that with guys.. I just don't know what to do with these feelings. I want them to go away!! =[

    It may be worth mentioning that the lust/infatuation that I have for women is there but it's not always quite as intense, but the strong feelings I do have for them are more akin to real emotional bonding and real love and they're much more permanent. I have emotional passion for women and can't help but fall for them. I just love being with them and making them happy.
     
  2. andimon

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    You're sound pretty heterosexual homoromantic to me. That's screwed up. Although I remember people here saying that there's no proven difference between sexual and romantic attraction. Maybe you just haven't found the right person, who'd make you be both romantically and sexually attached to them (if that makes any sense at all).
     
    #2 andimon, Aug 25, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
  3. Umami

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    Hmm I guess that's a possibility. What I will say is that I've never had a sexual encounter with a woman in person, but virtually everything else I could experience that's homosexual.. I've experienced it and I've enjoyed it. Things like oogling women in a sexual manner, texting/talking to women in a sexual way, etc. So my sexual attraction toward women is still up for grabs.

    It just seems like my attraction overall is more complete for women and less so for men. It's almost like it serves no purpose with men. I've definitely exhausted all my romantic options with men.. good guys, bad guys, whatever. There's just nothing there. On the other hand, I can like or love women to varying degrees. I dunno.. it's just all really depressing sometimes. =/
     
  4. Hopeful

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    Hey too bad you're in NY... NH isn't THAT far away, but still... :wink:

    Actually I kind of get where you're coming from. For me I get all mixed up and things are always changing for me. Right now? I find men and women attractive. A few months ago I was ready to ditch men altogether or at least for a while. In another month, who knows: maybe I won't have feelings for men. I think it depends on the person, not the gender.

    Keep your mind open: you probably just haven't found someone who is what you're looking for whether they are a man or a woman! :slight_smile:
     
  5. QBear

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    Yeah, that sounds tough.

    Perhaps the best thing to do is make a concerted effort to date women...
    Perhaps if you start dating a woman you like, the emotional and sexual satisfaction you experience will lessen the apparently misplaced romantic feelings you have for men.

    Also, have you considered doing some counseling/therapy?
    I have no idea what your situation was like growing up, but sometimes family of origin issues can trigger a hunger for male attention that can be confused for romantic attraction.
    Therapy can be a constructive way to explore those types of issues if they are a possibility.
     
    #5 QBear, Aug 25, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
  6. Umami

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    Hmm that's interesting. I guess it's important to remember that my orientation isn't necessarily static. I guess I could just be going through a "transition period" for all I know.

    ---------- Post added 25th Aug 2015 at 11:16 PM ----------

    Yeah, I'm definitely working on that. It's really hard though since my method of transportation is limited and since there aren't many lesbians in my hometown. I may just have to wait until I'm able to go to gay bars/clubs/etc. more easily.

    I have, but for other things. My confusion over my sexual/romantic orientation certainly doesn't help though. And yeah, I had some issues growing up with my dad. And I will say that I'm insecure and have low self esteem. This definitely exacerbates the infatuation I feel. I really do crave that attention from men. It makes me feel beautiful, acceptable, confident, etc. I used to really thrive on it when I was younger. My feelings towards men do feel distinctly sexual, but I suppose that this is also a possibility. Thanks for the tip about getting therapy.
     
  7. QBear

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    Your welcome.

    Are you living in a small rural town?
    Sometimes the men available in some small towns are just cruddy.
    That is, if there are only jerks available to date, sex will feel degrading and you will realize you don't really like these guys after a few months.

    That said, it really sounds like you should pursue dating women. That'll help you determine if that feels more satisfying.
     
  8. Umami

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    Hmm. I'm not sure. I've dated and talked to lots of guys, including good guys who are really sweet. I just never happen to care about them the way they care for me. Even if the sex were better, I still wouldn't feel any different romantically.
     
  9. QBear

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    Yup... Then definitely girls for you, then. Lol
     
  10. Umami

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    Yeah lol I just wish my orientation was more simply and squarely defined. Most of the people I come across are guys I can't help but get lustful/infatuated sometimes. lol It's just really frustrating because, ultimately, I actually want a meaningful romantic relationship. Not terrible sex. >.<
     
  11. Invidia

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    Hi, Umami! I understand it can be hard when, like you, you're kind of in between gay and bi.
    Maybe trying with a girl would bring you joy. :slight_smile:
    x