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Lesbian but biromantic? I need some advise

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by A7n5n0a7b1e3l, Aug 25, 2015.

  1. A7n5n0a7b1e3l

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Va
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So I'm going to try and explain this the best way I can.
    I grew up as a full blown tomboy. I never wore dresses, hated dolls, and was tougher than all of my friends (all boys by the way, I never believed in the whole koodies thing either). I remember that one day one of my friends told me that he loved me, mind you we were only eight, and in my eight year old mind I just figured that hey this is what it's supposed to be like so I went with it. We never did anything and hardly ever talked after that but I think that it set me on the wrong path. When I turned twelve I started noticing that girls were gorgeous. I had developed a crush and had a very hard time keeping my eyes off of girls bodies. I realized then that I was most likely a lesbian. I tried telling a friend but they dismissed me and I felt like I was in the wrong and i needed to just get over it. I soon realized that it wouldn't be that easy. One of my teachers noticed me staring at a girl one day and she lectured me upon my "insanity" and how I was going to hell. She gave me a pamflit and the number of a mental hospital that would set me right. I was horrified. I decided then that I would fix myself. It took a few years but then I had a boyfriend but I never wanted him to touch me. I was 15 and he was 16. He would force himself on me and it about killed me. I was so scared all the time. I hated kissing him and I couldn't stand it when he made me touch him. I was so incredibly discussed by him and his body. But before all of that I did care for him. I cared for his personality. I wouldn't say I loved him but I don't trust people easily. However I did care for him just not sexually. I have never wanted anything to do with a man sexually. Strait porn does noting for me and even thinking about male parts turns me off.
    I've noticed that im always very nervous around girls, the way most girls are around guys. I haven't been with a girl but ever since I was little I though about having a sexual relationship with a woman. I know emotionally I am more attached to women and I always have been. I have had desires to kiss men before but I don't want it to go any further than that.
    I just need someone to help me understand.
     
  2. andimon

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Eastern Europe
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yeah, biromantic would be a sound explanation for now. I'd just advise you not to get involved with heterosexual guys who'd definitely want more from you.

    If I were to extrapolate my personal experience to your story, I'd say you are lesbian. Why? Society and religion may have forced you to believe that relationship is only between a man and a woman, thus creating you the illusion that the opposite gender is the only way to go. While not having any sexual desire towards men, you subconsciously find an alternative - "Romantic attraction". I'd rather call that a closer friendship - companionship, which is combined with sympathy, hetero-normativity (as I said before, enforced by society) and platonic love.

    I hope this makes sense. It's 3 AM here and I'm dead tired.
     
  3. QBear

    Regular Member

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    Yeah, I would say that from what you've posted, you sound like a lesbian.
    Honestly, given what you said about having relatively little interest in relationships with men, I wouldn't even bother calling yourself biromantic, and just embrace your lesbian nature.
    It's natural. It's beautiful. Its just fine. Enjoy it.
    Go find a woman you really like and date her.
    Good luck.

    ---------- Post added 26th Aug 2015 at 08:44 AM ----------

    Also, I am SO sorry that your boyfriend used to force himself on you. That was sexual assault, it was wrong for him to do, and its not your fault.
    It sounds like it was traumatic for you. I would strongly urge you to get some gay-affirmative counseling/therapy to help you heal from the trauma when and if you are ready.
    Thank you for sharing your story, and remember it's not your fault.
    Good luck and healing energy.