Hello there, this might be kinda long but if u have the patience please bare with me.im and 18 year old guy(virgin) so i have a problem you see, I can't stop questioning my sexuality. It started when I was 11 and I saw a gay couple and it hit me like BAM! I thought I was gay but I had crushes on girls . My mind kept telling me I'm gay. These thought of me being gay or becoming gay became an obsession. The obsession came and went throughout the years, sometimes it would last for5 months and it went away for a while. Now it's back, well it's been back for over a year now, I really need to settle this. I started masturbating when I was 13 and would fantasize sex with women, sometimes older women but never to men. I liked this girl for 4 years. I'm still a virgin btw, I've been out with 8 girls though.When I was 16 I masturbated to a porn video but I PUT myself in the position of the women and I orgasmed. I got the obsession again and I tried watching gay porn at first I was repulsed but then I sort of orgasmed. I felt horrible with myself. Then I did that again a year later, I put myself in the position of the woman in my head.so can anyone give me am advice on this problem, I'd really appriciate it. Is it a phase? Could I be bi? Is sexuality fluid? Am I gay? How would I know? Thanks for reading
It sounds like you're sexually attracted to women. As for men, maybe you're a bit uncomfortable with the concept of two men together, so it's easier for you to watch straight porn but picture being the woman (I had a similar issue with lesbian porn at first). I don't think you're gay, but it's hard to tell just from this how attracted to men you are. Do men turn you on?
It's just fine to be attracted to men, but know that porn is not a reliable indicator of sexuality, so don't worry about having come to gay porn. There are straight men who don't have any interest in having sex with men in real life who sometimes watch gay porn, and their are lesbians who have no interest in having sex with men who enjoy gay male porn. So, I repeat, don't get hung up on the porn experience. What's more important to pay attention to is who you fantasize about on your own, who you can imagine yourself being in a serious long-term relationship with, who you notice the most at the beach, etc.
I can't tell you what your sexuality is, but yes, it can be fluid. It's not common, but it's not uncommon either. Like QBear said, your enjoyment of specific types of porn is not an indicator of your sexual orientation. You could try to experiment with other men to see whether or not you're sexually attracted to them if you're comfortable with that. If not, that's okay! Just do what feels right to you. Don't worry too much about labels; they're just little words. If you find comfort in them, though, you could identify as "queer" until you find a label that suits you best. I hope I could help!
Also, enjoying the fantasy of putting yourself in the place of the women can mean many different things to different people. For example, some guys enjoy the thought of being physically female. Other guys enjoy the fantasy of being penetrated in general. In that case, it could be just as much of a turn on for a woman to penetrate you with a strap on (which is actually a heterosexual act, albeit a less common one.) Still other guys enjoy the fantasy of being penetrated specifically by a man. That might indicate that you are bisexual or gay, but only if it was a reoccurring fantasy independent of porn. What did it mean for you? And is it something you fantasize about on your own?
No, whenever I masterbate without porn it's with women. Always. But I can't stop obsessing about having watched gay porn once it twice and having orgasmed to it. What can I do? Any advice?
Hmmmm. Well, then it sounds like your most likely straight. Not sure about how to stop obsessing, though.
Yes, I'm a hetero leaning bisexual, approximately Kinsey 2-2.5. I tend to partner with women, but have had a couple big loves that were men. And i really like trans men, too. I didn't always know that I liked men, but I always felt a little different from other boys, and could see myself in our gay neighbors. But I was also interested in girls from an early age (maybe age 7 or 8). I didn't have my first significant crush/physical experience with a guy until I was in 9th grade, and it felt amazing. And very confusing. I had already been fantasizing about guys and girls for a while at that point. But I was also deeply ashamed and closeted about it. I struggled with my identity for many years, going back and forth between thinking I was straight, other times thinking I was bi or even gay. And I kept being attracted to queer ladies that later came out as trans men. Lol I wasn't really able to fully accept and come out to myself until my late 20s, after having a brief but very profound connection with a beautiful gay man who was a friend. After he moved away and I broke up with my next girlfriend, I tried to date only men for a little while, but that didn't quite feel right either, and I kept falling into bed with women. Lol. So I eventually settled into this bisexual identity. The funny thing is that some of my closest friends in my twenties later told me that they always knew I was queer; apparently it was easier for them to see and accept me than for me to accept myself. I still struggle sometimes, and occasionally worry that I'm gay or straight and in denial, but the older I get, the more comfortable I am with my attractions to men and women. I hope this helps you in your journey.
Hey I'm sorry to bother you with all these questions but I have a few more, I too a kinsey scale and I was a 1.3, but can you give me a more accurate link of a kinsey scale test. Also how did u accept u were bisexual? I don't know what I am but I think I'm straight or at least bi curious but I can't get the thought out if my head that I might be gay, ever since I was 11, does that mean something or is it hocd?
Well, try this one: Southampton Directory*|*Klein Sexual Orientation Grid Quiz It's the Klein Orientation Grid. It's got it's own limitations, but I think it gives you a more complete framework for thinking about sexuality. Very slowly. :lol: But seriously, that's a very complicated question. Like I said in my previous post, it was a very long and circuitous process that is difficult for me to describe. People have written entire books about it. I won't attempt that here. I guess the biggest thing was just to recognize that my feelings were real, that they weren't going away, confronting my own internalized homophobia, finding the courage to tell people and to be ready and willing to publicly have a boyfriend, and integrating all that into my identity. Also, specific to bisexuality, realizing that my feelings and fantasies for men and women can exist at the same time, be real, and not cancel each other out. And also realizing that it's okay to be in a relationship with a person of one gender and still have fantasies about the opposite gender - that having my own, personal, individual fantasy life does not constitute disloyalty to my partner. The worrying doesn't mean anything on it's own. Some of the significant signs of being gay or bisexual are: * significant sexual fantasizing about men * imagining yourself in a long-term relationship with a man * having crushes on men * noticing men at the beach (to the exclusion of or in addition to women) * Having satisfying makeout sessions or sexual experiences with men in real life If you have those, then you are likely gay or bisexual. The worrying could be an OCD thing and/or a manifestation of internalized homophobia. It is possible to be uncomfortable about gayness without being a bigot, and that could contribute to the worry. Have you been diagnosed with OCD? Do you know any gay people in real life? Sometimes getting to know actual decent gay people in real life helps you lessen your homophobia. Also, when you find yourself obsessing, to just tell yourself: "Okay, so what if I'm gay. That's totally fine." That is said to help it pass. It's sort of a radical acceptance thing.
Yes one of my close friends is gay, and I'm not homophobic I actually don't have anything against homosexuals. But there's this voice in my head that keeps telling me I am gay. The only gay experience I've had was watching gay porn once or twice and putting myself in the position if the women in straight porn at least 3 times. Am I in denial? And no I haven't been diagnosed with ocd although there are other stuff I obsessed about.
Well, from what you've said, I really don't think you are gay, but only you can know for sure. I suppose you could be bisexual. Now that you are 18, you could try experimenting sexually with other guys - safely and carefully, of course - and see if that helps you better understand who you are. You might also want to consider getting evaluated for OCD. Good luck!
