Hello, first time poster here. I came on this site in hopes of maybe being able to understand who I am. So a bit of background I am currently a 22 year old man my first ever sexual experience was with a woman when I was 18 but I didn't enjoy it like I should have it felt like I was just going through the motions. My next experience with a woman was at 19 again It was just me going through motions no real connection I began questioning it has got to be my fault right? Here I am with these beautiful women and I'm just not happy. So now I am 20 and turn to the only place where you can meet guys in a town like mine Craigslist. I posted on CL something along the line of curious guy here wanting a friend maybe more and I get a reply from this guy who was a 24 yo soldier we end up talking for several months and finally agree to meet and head to his place to watch Netflix he asks me if I wanted him to do anything to me apprehensive I agree so we get into it he making sure I was okay noticing how tense I must have been physically it was great and enjoyable to me but through all my encounters one thing was always missing love/romantic feeling I met a woman a few weeks ago who isn't very physically attractive and I have no sexual desires toward her but I feel a strong emotional connection. I really care about her. What is going on?
You ask what is going on so Ill present my opinions/theories. a) People (some) fail to realize that they have to "explore & discover" to find their sexuality. There's always a rush to "label" ourselves so we know our place in society. Got to push the square peg in the round hole to know your place. For some of us it does not work that way. Think of it this way, when you are learning to walk, did you label yourself a marathon runner? My guess is no. You had to discover what you like, did not like. b) My suggestion is not to try to figure out who you are based on a few limited sexual encounters. I can't speak for females but for some males they'll screw just about anything they can get their dick into and call it love. It's called testosterone. c) Explore with the lady you mentioned. Journal some of your past to see if you can find any kind of trauma / event that causes you to not like the "hot chicks" you mentioned. Ask yourself who and what sex did you have eyes for in 6, 7, 8, 9 grades. Don't leave anything out. Read a few straight and gay romance novels and observe what you like and turns you on. d) Before I knew I was gay I never had eyes for the hot gorgeous ladies either. Only the normal looking ones. I saw the gorgeous ones as to manipulative. To controlling and to insecure. This should get you started.
You may simply have a close emotional bond with her. I have lady friends that I'm not particularly attracted to, but am very emotionally close to. Although confusing, it can be a very beautiful thing. We all need confidants other than our partner that we can talk to. Its also possible that you require a close emotional bond in order to feel sexual attraction. (e.g. Demi-sexual). In any case, try following brainwashed's advice and see what happens. Good luck!
Another thing I thought about, is from Psychology 101 - so I've been told. Men seek women who are like their moms. Women seek men who are like their dads. You MAY be seeing someone who reminds you of your mom. I have fallen into this trap in the past. It really throws you for a loop. This scenario can also blind you for you have a deep craving for someone and do not see warning signs. This scenario destroyed my brother for he married someone that was somewhat like our mother but she (brothers wife) had severe mental issues.
My mother and I used to be close in the past. Now we have had a strained relationship and it's becoming toxic. Perhaps I am trying to find certain traits in this woman similar to the ones I valued in my mother. When you mentioned falling into a trap, I questioned if perhaps I missed details. I think I need to take a look back and reevaluate a lot of things I thought I knew already.
