I Thought I Was Okay About It But..

I can't tell you what your orientation is. Only you can do that! But if you want to, you could try experimenting with other women to see if that kind of relationship works for you.
Just remember that labels aren't mandatory, so it's not a problem if you don't have one or if yours changes.
I hope I could help!

 

I kind of feel the same way as you. For so long now I've been stressing over the fact that I find some girls attractive, and when I thought I could be bisexual I felt really relieved. Think about why you're relieved when you accept that you're bi. For me, the first thing that came to mind was "thank god, I can still like guys and date men!" ....obviously there was something wrong with that picture. Right now I'm trying to live without denying any attraction regardless of gender. You don't need to change your label based on any attraction that you find, because sometimes they don't make sense according to a strict definition.

I'm not sure if this makes sense. I know it's really hard not to agonize over questioning, but sometimes not labeling yourself is really freeing.

---------- Post added 31st Aug 2015 at 01:24 PM ----------

I should add, I'm not trying to convince you that you aren't bi. Just sharing my story. It seems like the term bisexual adds much needed gray area to the very black and white "gay" and "straight" but sometimes it doesn't quite do enough to describe your exact perception of yourself.

 

Obviously the only way to really know is to date a girl, and even then you might not be sure (Was it a fluke? If the dating experience was bad, is that because I don't really like girls or because she wasn't a proper fit?). Until then, however, there's things you can do to test yourself about it. How do girls usually enter your thoughts? How often and under what circumstances? For me, I knew I wasn't straight because of mainly three things. First, when I hit puberty, my fantasies were always, ALWAYS about girls, whether I liked it or not (which I dismissed at first as being a weird sort of autophilia, possibly). Secondly, I always had this bro-ish feeling around boys, identified with boys more growing up, and while I did get crushed on boys, there was never any magical moment where they suddenly went from being fun and hilarious in a mildly gross way to gorgeous, intriguing creatures - like girls were - and also because I never, ever got comfortable with the idea of actually kissing a boy or certainly going farther than that. And lastly, when you get right down to it, my crushes on girls - though few - are always much more passionate, intense (clingy? x.x) and long-lasting than those on boys, and they're also infinitely more physical than boy crushes (not to say less emotional though - more so if anything!), to the point that the best I can categorize those various girl crushes I've had as being in love, where none of my guy crushes come close to that. There are other warning signs too: back when I was very little, say seven or eight, and didn't know the first thing about sexuality or romance, and certainly not the gay stigma, I would say I had crushes on girls, but never boys. Similarly, I've always stares at girls more than boys, be it in cartoons, live action movies, or real life (again, used to pass that off as just admiring women I wanted to be like) and I always imagine myself having a more typical guy position in any relationship - even my guy crushes were fairly feminine, with one exception - and I always felt more comfortable imagining myself being the one "doing" stuff, like giving gifts, treating my sweetheart to dates, even proposing. Of course it's only now that I'm thinking back on those things with my current perspective that I'm realizing how much that all points to actually liking girls, as opposed to just being curious about it, or "doing it for the cool" (which is my parents' attitude).

If you're going through a phase where you think you like girls but you're constantly asking "do I REALLY? Must I be attracted to girls? There must be some evidence that I'm just straight and confused," and if you feel really terrified or uncomfortable about the whole thing, that's normal: it can go either for someone who turns out straight, or gay, or anything in between. I myself went through that phase. My advice is, take some time, find safe ways to explore your sexuality, don't be afraid of your feelings, but don't come out to anyone unless you trust them; you don't want them either to say "Oh you're questioning, you must just be confused, this is a phase, honey," nor do you want to get, "Oh my god, you're bisexual?! Get away from me!". Both of those could come even if you're secure in your sexuality, but they could be especially damaging to hear now, when you really are still questioning. Also, if there's a girl who's interested in trying something with you - whether she's out gay, bisexual, still questioning like you are, or closeted - don't be afraid to accept, BUT do think carefully first about what her motives are, whether she's serious about this relationship (as anyone should be), willing to go as slow as you need, and isn't likely to break your heart in some way, e.g. by not taking your feelings seriously or by using you to get attention from guys - and also be sure that, if you're not comfortable with it, she won't accidentally let slip that you're not straight or that she's dating you, at least to the wrong people.

In case you are curious, I know I may sound like I have gender dysphoria, but I've thought about that long and hard and have decided that as much as I'd like to be a guy, because then my attractions to girls would be more accepted, I also enjoy being a girl. Hence, I categorize myself as cis female/bisexual, but with an obvious preference; in the long run I expect the bisexual to fall either into gay, but desiring normalcy, or homoflexible - gay but occasionally willing to enter a straight relationship, if, say, the guy is a Mr. Right, one you really admire and love as a friend. Depending on how strong your attractions to various genders are and what sort of gender types you feel like you fit into, you may or may not choose either of these identities. (Perhaps you'll choose heteroflexible - the complement to homoflexible - or bicurious. You may even decide you're straight, after further exploration of your sexuality. Who knows? The possibilities are endless, and they are all open to you and whatever you choose to call yourself; no identity can be wrong if it's the one you choose.)

Best of luck!

 

I've struggled with this on and off, too. I think it's common, especially if you're a hetero-leaning bisexual, or perhaps have a romantic preference for men.

I would echo Miri's excellent and detailed advice to try experimenting with women in a safe way.

I did a significant amount of experimenting with cis men, trans men, and women in order to figure myself out. Only by doing that could I determine that I tend to prefer queer tomboy women sexually and romantically, but also connect well with some trans men, and less frequently with cis men - but sometimes the right cis guy will really blow my mind if I can connect emotionally with him. And that I, for whatever reason, don't connect that well with most femme straight women.

It's all very specific. But the only way to figure that kind of stuff out was to do some experimenting.

 

Was there ever a point where you had a sexual desire for a man so much you thought you were becoming completely homosexual? Of course your more of a hetero-leaning bisexual. I have recently had some sexual urges so much for women I thought I was becoming completely heterosexual. Of course I am more of a homo-leaning bisexual.

 

Yes! I once had such a burning desire for my friend Mark (and then subsequently, also to Harvey's boyfriend in the movie Milk) that I freaked out, dumped my girlfriend, and tried dating only men for a while. But I couldn't quite stop myself from "falling into bed" with women. Lol
100% gay men just don't do that. Lol

 

Do 100% gay men ever get tired of men sexually and think about women sexually? When I go to the gay bar all they show is hot guys on film which is nice but it would be cool if they showed pictures of hot women as well.

 

No. As I've said in other posts, my 100% gay, kinsey 6 friend has no interest in women, ever.

If you want to see pictures of hot guys and hot girls, you'll need to go to the bi bar. Oh, wait there isn't one. Maybe we should start one! Lol

On another note, cubster, I feel a little like you and I took over this thread and moved it in a different direction. Maybe if you and I want to chat more about these things, we can start a different thread or discuss on our walls?