I've been questioning my sexuality for about a year, and I think I've arrived at the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. I currently have two crushes, both girls, and both way out of my league. But I've started to wonder if I just really aspire to be more like them, rather than be with them. One of them is an athlete, the other is a singer/dancer/actor. I realize that neither of these positions are goals for me in life (I want to be an artist), but maybe I'm more admiring their character. They both have a few things in common: they're chatty, they're very strong-willed, and they are well-liked in all their friend circles. I, on the other hand, am quiet, easygoing, and relatively unpopular. This would make me think that I just want to be a more confident person, like they are, but I've also started noticing how I act around them. Whenever I see one of them, I subtly watch her until she's out of sight. If I happen to walk past one, I sort of want to look and say hi, but instead I walk past quickly, staring at the floor. Whenever either of them talk to me, I respond in the simplest ways possible ("yes," "no," "okay,") etc., because I'm afraid if I start rambling I'll say something stupid. I've never behaved like this around any guy (although, even my straight friends agree the guys at my school are sort of hideous and weird, so I don't think my school is a great place to juxtapose my attractions). However, I do find myself behaving in a similar (less extreme) way around most attractive girls/women, whether or not I find myself attracted TO them (ie. never making eye contact, feeling more nervous when talking to them). I don't know if I'm just self-conscious and intimidated by them, or if I admire them, or what. Does this mean something? Throughout my childhood, I've always had female role models, never guys. I had a long-lasting obsession over Taylor Swift, although I don't believe it was a crush. I've gone to camp in the summer these past several years, and have often found myself subtly trying to impress the female staff with my camping knowledge, outdoor skills, common sense, etc. I don't think I would call these crushes either... they were sort of like "celebrity crushes" in a way. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to continue labeling myself as a lesbian, but I'd like to know if anyone else has been in similar situations? Has anyone else ever had a crush, only to realize they were just a role model, or vice versa? Thanks heaps for reading all this.
Hmm, lemme think... I find that my crushes often are good role models... But that could be just because I have good judgement. Lots of people have crushes on celebrities. That, and, opposites attract. The people you have crushes on probably maintain a characteristic that you do not have, but perhaps wish to have. Crushes can be role models, and vice versa. I'd say it's normal.
In the same boat! I'm not sure if this is going to be helpful to you but it has been to me so I'll just say it; try not to wonder too much on whether your attraction to ladies is "genuine" or just something silly/platonic. Believe me, I've tried to rationalize mine as if to make it not sexual or romantic so very much that they ended up being completely unrecognizable in my analysis. You might feel pressured to "prove" your attraction to yourself, which might be even why you're still on tipsy toes about identifying as a lesbian, and end up dissecting any crush that comes your way as a way of being absolutely sure that it is the real thing until you're not. Trust yourself and be honest in what you feel! It's definitely a slow process and, since I'm going through it as well, you can always count on me for support. I have a slight crush on my teacher and a big one on an actress/dancer/singer too. I brushed them both off as admiration until realizing that I could be attracted to them and admire some of their characteristics that I think would be nice applying to my life and my persona at the same time. My teacher lectures on the area I wish to follow after graduation so, of course, I do admire the way she goes about her work, but it doesn't end at that. And I do admire how outgoing, devoted to her work and her fanbase, confident, caring and competent my actress/dancer/singer crush is and do hope to reflect some of these aspects in my relationship with life and career and people but, again, it definiteeeely doesn't end at that. Both feelings can kind of coexist with each other peacefully; they don't cancel each other out. I hope I didn't sound too confusing and that things work out for you! Again, if you need me, just shoot me a message.
I have the same problem. I used to be super attracted to rebellious looking girls. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be like them or if I was attracted to them. Now I know that I mostly want to be like them and I'm occasionally attracted to them. When I realized that I started to be less picky. I still don't like girls who are too boring looking.
