i've had crushes on girls since i was in fifth grade. those deep, gut-wrenching, knee-shaking, heart-racing butterflies have been toward girls only. i've only recognized in the past few years, however, that these were crushes (denial is a powerful thing, i'm pretty sure i just thought i really wanted to be their friends, lol). i then dated guys, who i liked and had feelings for, but never quite as intense as the feelings i had for girls. i'm not sure if i actually liked these boys, or if i just forced myself to like them or enjoyed the flattery of being liked instead. so now, upon accepting this part of myself, i'm confused about my sexuality. though i definitely am aware that this is a romantic attraction toward females, how do i know if it is sexual too? i never enjoyed the physical stuff with past boyfriends, but i do not have any experience with females. is the sexuality part something you just know intrinsically? i can appreciate an attractive girl, and an attractive guy, but neither makes me want to jump their bones. do you think if i end up experimenting with a girl, this part will become clear to me? ugh why is this so complicated for me, when it seems to be so natural for everyone else to figure out lol
Hey numbers, It most certainly was an intrinsic kind of knowledge for me, and trying to understand it and explain it to myself by overthinking and over-analyzing made me confused. I have always known I wasn't into men, but when I thought about it I assumed that even though men were not that attractive to me I was probably still straight since the basic stick-thin, blonde model-women that men adore and call a 10 did nothing for me. Just as women in pornography. I thought that they must be universally wanted by anyone who liked women (which is definitely not the case! Different people different preferences). BUT back then I did not count the fuzzy feelings of being slightly drunk and having an attractive female friend lean against me or the electricity that shoots through me when a girl I like dances with me or kisses me or even just hugs me. I also remember thinking a lot about how it would be like to kiss some girls I knew when I was in middle school (and not that much or never about kissing boys). These aren't sexual situations, but I think that if you experience this (or get flustered thinking about this like me remembering these situations ) there is a good chance that you like women sexually as well. Then again, this is only my experience and opinion. I would suggest to just go out there and do or don't whatever you feel like
Don't worry. It's not simple for everyone. There are a lot of other people on this forum that have similar difficulties understanding their sexuality. Your not alone. Be aware that some people develop sexual desire more slowly than others, and that's okay. You might be one of the those people. There is a theory out there that women don't tend to hit their sexual peek until about 30. Yes, try experimenting with girls - just make sure to find a safe person to do it with. And pay attention to the more subtle signs that Laura27 recommends.
