Has anyone else been questioning their sexuality? Do you think questioning it and having to remind yourself of things means your gay? Okay I really am tired of having obsessive thoughts about my sexuality (I have anxiety and I'm pretty sure I have some form of OCD as well.) for like 2 years I've been confused about my sexuality ever since one night I was getting off to lesbian porn and thought "oh my God this isn't normal. Am I lesbian??" But that can't be because of how strong attracted I am to men so what? Does this mean I'm bisexual? Growing up, a naked woman was the first type of porn I saw so I've always been attracted to boobs but I've never actually had the thought of "hey I wanna have sex with a girl." I've just been really psyched out because now I get like nervous around girls and I keep thinking "oh I wanna kiss her I wanna kiss her" when in reality I don't and I also feel like having to remind myself I'm not gay everyday is not a good sign but I knowww I'm not gay. So what does this mean? Am I curious? Straight? Bi? I just want this to go away.
Hey howtosavealife, Being someone with the tendency towards OCD-behavior (I have a lot of family members with ticks, rituals and obsessive thoughts) and generalized anxiety disorder (but having been treated) and also who identifies as a lesbian, I think I can give you some perspective. I don't know you're age but I assume you are somewhere in your middle or late teens. I have read somewhere that most women can get aroused by most types of erotica. This is because they can imagine well how something must feel for another person. I won't get too graphic, I assume you understand this. I am a homosexual but when it comes to porn I do not solely enjoy lesbian porn. Men on the other hand, mostly lean to one gender, but that is irrelevant. Since you do not only question your sexuality but are mostly afraid that it might come forth out of the obsession, maybe asking yourself some questions can help. - Have you previously been in the situation that you feared or obsessed about something that was not legitimate. By that I mean that there were not many good reasons to suspect the thing that you thought to be true? - Before you actively started to focus on your sexuality, did you have a vague sense of not belonging or knowing that it was not obvious that you would end up with a man? - What do you feel, fears aside, really feel when you think about spending time romantically with a certain girl or a certain boy you think is attractive? Doubting and obsessing over romantic and sexual attraction is very difficult to deal with. You want it to stop but you are not sure but you want to be sure, so the circle continues. It is, unfortunately, not something that can be figured out fast. Au contraire, it is something that will come naturally with experience and time if you just go with the flow. Horrible advice when it is hard to not think about it, but trying to let go is still the best advice I can give you when it comes to this particular issue. I do think it is very revealing that you wrote the following: ' but I knowww I'm not gay.' I knew I was gay, not straight, queer. I have always known. I just wanted clear evidence. I started actively doubting myself when I was 15, I am comfortable with my romantic/sexual identity now I am 20. But I could never say ' I am not gay ' without feeling/knowing that at least that was not true. My obsessions focused on being bi or gay. Best of luck to you!
