Since I am talking about sexual identity I am certain that it belongs in this category. This is something that confused me a lot but I think I understand it now. I would like to hear some more opinions on this. I have always known I am a lesbian, from a very early age. But I started doubting this a lot when I looked up several ' how to know if you're gay' articles and videos, and heard other women who call themselves lesbians state that they easily knew because men sexually repulse them and they never had feelings for them. As if it is a simple white or black issue. Now that I have some experience and am a little older, I can say that I think this way of thinking is way too simple. It did not help me when I was confused. It only made me more confused. Two of my best friends came out as asexual last year, and I was very much confused since back then in my book, asexuals do not have sex drives and I knew that one of them has had regular sex with their boyfriend. They explained to me that asexual means not experiencing any sexual attraction towards anyone, but that you can still be aroused and have a sex drive. You do not long for anyone in a sexual way, but you can have sex with them. The reason for this is simple, no matter the attraction you experience, sex can feel good. At first I didn't understand it, but I tried to relate, and since then it has helped me greatly with understanding my own sexuality. I always knew that I am a lesbian, but in the past I have had boyfriends I had feelings for and had sex with. I can get aroused by imagining how something must feel. This is a far more introspective feeling for me than being with a woman. I would do anything for certain women, just looking at a beautiful woman can drive me insane while men do not do much for me in that aspect. And when it comes to the feelings I have for men, I can love people, family and friends greatly. I want them to be as happy as they can be. This is not romantic love, this is love in general. The love, attraction and feelings I experience with women is a lot more chaotic, hopeless, illogical and amazing at the same time. Being in a relationship with a man is nice, being in a relationship with a woman is fulfilling and feeling right. Sexual and romantic attraction, in my opinion, doesn't make sense. I can be as compatible with a man as is humanly possible, and I still do not experience that raw, wild sexual and romantic attraction toward him. I am simply not cut out that way. I am blabbering on and on about myself since I am the only lesbian that I know this well :') I would like you to share your thoughts. this a personal thing I thought of or does this make sense to more people?
What you said makes a lot of sense, I'm new to this site, and I'm in my 30's - and I've started to have a lot of strange curious thoughts, and whenever I try to reason with them in my head - and get a better feel for who I am inside, the conclusion I often come to is that there are people who I am romantically and sexually attracted to, and completely different people who I can get (maybe!) sexually aroused by - just by imagining how being with them might "feel". ---------- Post added 1st Sep 2015 at 07:16 PM ---------- But of course, that doesn't mean I'm romantically attracted to them - because often I am not. The problem I face is that sexual arousal is slowly becoming stronger than it is with the people I find myself romantically attracted to.
These posts make a lot of sense, and talk about processes I have used to avoid facing the truth about my sexuality. I believe in recent years I've trained myself to become aroused by fantasies in which I sleep with men - and as such, have been experiencing greater physical (genital only) arousal to these fantasies. But I believe it still wouldn't compare to the mental, physical and emotional arousal of being with a woman I was genuinely attracted to.
Omg I am so happy you wrote this! In my case, sexual arousal and sexual attraction are two very different things. I’ve been struggling with this for many years, and only now beginning to come to terms with it but basically for me, my reality is this: I identify as a straight woman even though I am definitely more aroused by sexual fantasies with women than I am with men. Sounds like denial right? Maybe (that’s the confusing part I’m trying work out.) But here’s the catch: in real life (aka not “fantasy world”) I have only ever been aroused by men. Drunk at a party? Aroused by men. Sober at a boardgame? Aroused by men. Traveling alone? Falling in love with men. Men, men, men. I have never, once, wanted to kiss, or touch a woman in real life, ever. And yet, if you were to ask me which body is more arousing, that of a male or a female, I’d say female hands down. That even extends to fantasies for me (fantasies with women are so much hotter to me) but like I said, in terms of attraction, I can’t think of a single women I’ve been sexually attracted to or “turned on” by in real life, only in porn. In real life, I only get sexually attracted (by which I mean a very distinct “I want to have sex with you because I like you and am attracted to you”) exclusively with men. So anyway, to me sexual arousal and sexual attraction are two very different things! Maybe for some or even most people they are the same and that’s fine. But im glad to know im not the only one for whom they dont exactly overlap. =)
Arousal and sexual attraction are some of the reasons why I wasnt sure for years to identify as gay or bi. In public I will typically get sexually aroused by seeing ahot shirtless guy or if in a locker room a hot naked guy that I felt I would get off without touching myself. However I have been having reoccurring fantasies of having sex with really hot women and I have gotten turned on to nearly that point as well. I am probably a bisexual that is somewhat more gay leaning. I score between a 3.24 and 3.67 on the Klein Kinsey Scale.
