I recently realized that I am a gay, or, at least, mostly gay (probably a Kinsey 5). I concluded that after doing a lot of research; I am in high school and have never been with a girl or a guy. I have read countless times on almost all the websites I've been to (including this one) that labels aren't important and that I should just "fall in love with who I fall in love with." This is easier said then done. A label would help me to know that I fit into a group, and be able to relate to others better. Earlier this year, I started calling myself bi, just in my head. It gave me a lot of anxiety. I'm not biphobic in any way... I just hate the fact that a lot of people assume that bisexuals are romantically, emotionally, and sexually attracted to men and women equally. This usually isn't true, especially for me (I don't see myself connecting with guys emotionally or romantically in any way, and just MAYBE sexually). I would technically consider myself a demi-bisexual homoromantic. After some more thought, I started calling myself a lesbian. I liked it so much more, like it was MY label. But I've begun to worry that I only chose to call myself that because I'm subconsciously scared of the possible biphobia, of the assumptions people would make about equal attraction, and because I sort of want a more socially "black and white" label . I understand that labels are made for people and that people aren't made for labels, but I would be so much more comfortable simply identifying as a lesbian, no questions asked. I would be totally happy with calling myself a lesbian for the rest of my life, only dating girls, having a wife, etc. Should these sorts of statements be making it more obvious to myself that I am a de facto lesbian? I'm not trying to define boundaries for myself, I just want to be able to say, "I'm gay," with out having to add, "well, actually..." Can anyone else relate to this?
To be honest, labels matter and they will only lose their importance when we live in a society free of homophobia and lesbophobia. Of course you can ignore labels if you want, but to say they don't matter is not right. Don't think about the fear you have, think about your attraction: do you feel any attraction to men? Then you are bisexual. If that's not the case, you're a lesbian. ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2015 at 05:50 PM ---------- And I think it would be good if you read about compulsory heterosexuality. Sometimes we think that we're bisexual, but the truth is that we feel like we're into guys because of the way our society works. (that doesn't mean that bisexuals don't exist, don't get me wrong)
Thanks for your response. I read a little on compulsory heterosexuality, after your suggestion. However, I don't think that's what I am experiencing. Where I live, I'm not "pressured" into being straight; my parents, thank goodness, are very accepting (sometimes, when they're envisioning my future, they even say "I hope your husband or wife..."). Besides the lack of discrimination (in towns beside my own), I don't see any pluses to being straight or being in a heterosexual relationship. I wouldn't feel more accepted, or more comfortable. Furthermore, as silly as this may sound, I sort of WANT to be a lesbian. I know it's not a choice and that I can't help who I'm attracted to, but I feel like it's a sign. As I mentioned earlier, I see myself dating, kissing, holding hands, etc. with women. When I think about referring to myself as a lesbian, I'm a little hesitant (not in terms of phobia; in terms of "what if I'm wrong?"), but I can usually temporarily convince myself by coming to the conclusion, "if the shoe fits, wear it." Then I "what if" all over again.
It really sounds like your interested only in women, so I really don't see any reason not to call yourself a lesbian. Just because it is fashionable to be fluid or bisexual in certain circles doesn't mean you are or should be (and I say that as a bisexual). Even if you were a Kinsey 5 (and you sound like a 6 to me), that's still "mostly lesbian", and it'd be perfectly sensible to round up to "lesbian". I say, rock the lesbian label and enjoy it! Good luck.
Thanks, QBear. I'd lately been tossing around basically that exact same phrase, to just "round up to 'lesbian.'"
I can totally relate to this. Right now Im just kind of in a weird identification state. I came out as pansexual, and I do really feel like I could be romantically and sexually attracted to anyone. But I seem to be attracted to women more often than nonbinary/genderqueer/other people, which I seem more attracted to than men. It is kind of confusing, and I am significantly more sexually attracted to men than I am romantically attracted. Its kind of weird. All I know, is I like other women, and could like anyone, but attraction to women seems to come up the most. Im somewhere between Pansexual and Lesbian and Queer. Also, your "Basically a Lesbian" label of sorts, is absolutely amazing. I can really understand it.
This is basically exactly the way I feel as well. I consider myself a kinsey 5. I'm never dating a guy again. I have no desire to. I only was out of a feeling of needing to be normal. But I don't regret having done so. Basically the best way to put it.
