Ok, so I've always only liked guys my entire life. Until recently. About a year ago I met this girl and we instantly became best friends, and at first that's all it was. Now, I find myself staring at her like I stare at previous crushes I've had. I find myself thinking about her all the time. When we have sleepovers, she cuddles up to me, and I've done that with other friends, but this is different. I get butterflies when we touch. Her smile is my favorite thing and I could listen to her laugh all day. I have two problems with my situation, one, I don't know if my feelings are real enough to tell anyone, and two, I don't know if she feels the same, or ever would. She says she's straight, but then again so do I, and yet here I am. Has anyone ever fallen in love with their best friend, if so, please give me some advice/share your story so I can know I'm not the only one, and also know how to deal with this. Thanks!
Breezy, I have actually been in your situation, I always considered myself straight until I met this girl. At first we were best friends, and it was a matter of time until I started falling involve with her. Our emotional bond was like nothing neither one of us ever felt before. We can pretty much read each other like a book, I loved her smile and being with her brought me soooo much joy. She was without a doubt already identifying herself as a lesbian though. The problem is that the sexual connection was never as strong as the emotional or close to it being even strong. We have been dating for 4 years, the last year was one and off (currently off and very depressed) because of my uncertainties and doubts. I hate myself for falling in love with a girl and not making it work as much as i want it to. I would die to make this work I love her so much. We met when we were 20 now we are turning 25, we had a beautiful life together and part of me will always love her. Anyways short story long this is just my story, I think it is still important for you to listen to your heart and explore. Just always remember to be honest with yourself.
Your feelings are without a doubt real enough that should listen them and take them seriously. The clarity with which you describe your feelings for your friend are evidence enough of the reality of your feelings. What exactly they mean and whether you want to tell someone other than your friend about these feelings is a separate question that involves whether there are people in your life that are safe to tell, etc. Whether you want to tell your friend about these feelings is also a complicated question. I fell in love with two different male friends (but not my best friends at the time) over the years, which is part of how I know I am bisexual. So you are not alone. Unfortunately, I don't really have good advice on how to tell your friend, as in both of my experiences, we got physical, and that's what confirmed that the attraction was mutual. Hopefully someone else of this forum has some better advice. In one other case, I made out with a male fiend of mine when we were drunk - and later he said he wasn't into it, and it put some considerable strain on our friendship for a while. So I guess I don't necessarily recommend just kissing her and seeing what happens, as it could strain or end the friendship. But I suppose it is one option. Keep in mind that it's also possible to have romantic feelings for someone, but not necessarily sexual feelings, as LosAngeles1516 has described. But neither should you discount the possibility that you are experiencing both romantic and sexual feelings for your friend. Have you made out with boys before? If so, how does what you are feeling for your friend feel similar to and/or different from making out with boys?
Thanks for replying! I've never kissed a boy before so I guess I don't know, but I've always had small crushes on boys, but never like this. Sometimes I get the feeling that she feels the same way towards me and I just want to come out and say it, but then other times, she talks about a cute guy she met and I breaks my heart, so I honestly don't know where she stands. And I feel like if I tell her, it'll ruin our friendship and that is the last thing I want because shes my best friend in the entire world ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2015 at 06:11 PM ---------- thank you so much for sharing your story it really does help! I'm really sorry it isn't working out. I'm really glad to hear that you guys ended up dating though, I guess that gives me a little but of hope.I feel like im in the same situation as you, I've never considered myself a lesbian, I've never even had a crush on a girl before now, so I just think to myself, how can I be gay? I'm not afraid of being gay one bit, I just don't know if I am certain enough to tell people or to act on it yet
Like I said, you don't need to tell anyone your gay or bisexual yet. (these feeling could also mean you are bisexual). But you really should consider if and how to tell your friend you have feelings for her. While you don't want to wreck the friendship, you also don't want the crush to drive a wedge into your friendship, either. Have you ever talked about gays and lesbians in general with your friend? Maybe that would be a good way to see how comfortable she is with gay people, and then take it from there.
Yeah we actually talk about the LGBT community a lot and are both huge advocates for it and speak out for it a lot. But she has told me that she's straight. Something else happened today that made me realize 100% my feelings are real. She got asked to homecoming by a boy, and not only did she say yes, she told me she has a crush on him. When she told me that, my heart shattered. I guess in a way, this is a good thing. Now I know that she has no feelings other than friendship towards me and I can move on. Recently I have been noticing that I've become more attracted to other girls, so maybe I fell in love with her just to make myself realize who I am. Now that I know who I am, and who she is, hopefully I can try to move on from her and onto someone else.
