I have noticed a lot lately on line on forums and different sites, and have heard talk in my every day life how some lesbians have little to no toleration for bisexual women and it is very frustrating for me. I have gotten the feeling from a few lesbians that they don't want to talk to me or befriend me because I have not made up my mind, or because I may just be bi-curious and want to "try them out" or because I really should just pick a lane and stay there. It may be the same for bisexual men in their interactions with gay men, I am not sure. I can only speak on behalf of myself as a bisexual but this is really really frustrating for me. I am currently not looking for a relationship, I am married and don't plan on leaving my marriage, but I have recently accepted my bisexuality and am trying to be more open with myself and expand my circle of friends. I would like to get more involved in the LGBT community, but it is not the easiest thing for me to do because I am not openly out to my family or my circle of friends. I would like to develop more friendships with those in the LGBT community, but I am finding that lesbians in particular almost shun me. I did not chose to be bisexual. Most days I wish to be either a lesbian or be straight. Feeling as I do confuses me and I feel pulled in different directions. I am currently married to a man. I have only had a physical relationship with a man. I have had strong, intimate emotional connections with women. I have had both concurrently. Sometimes when I don't have one I miss the other. It is easiest for me to try and reach out to other women in the community to try and develop relationships. I have felt turned away and almost closed out, especially by lesbians and I feel strongly that it is because I am bi---I am not interested in leading someone on, I am not interested in "trying out" being a lesbian, I am just looking to build strong connections in the community...to talk to someone who may understand how I feel about things. It is difficult enough coming to terms later in life that I am not straight, but then being shunned by some in the community that I am trying to be apart of so I can work further towards growing into my authentic self is very frustrating. I am not trying to say that all lesbians are this way, it just has been my experience lately. I am just looking to make connections with people, build friendships but I feel I am judged for not being strictly gay or straight.
I totally understand, I feel the same way. I usually just try to watch bisexual YouTubers or TV shows with bi characters so I don't feel so different.
It sounds to me like you less frustrated by being bisexual than you are frustrated by ignorant lesbians. I have no problem with the idea of dating a lesbian...but I would not want to date an ignorant one who is bigoted toward bisexuals.
I am sorry you feel like that. I'd like to say not all lesbians are like that; but that sounds too much like an excuse. I've heard the crap some of us say about you guys - I find it annoying. Bisexuals are as capable of loving women as any lesbian. I asked a bisexual to kiss me once. I said I was just experimenting, but that was a lie - I was kind of into her. I can see why it would be hard because most people believe you have to fit at one end or the other.
biAnnika is correct it is more my frustration with ignorant lesbians than it is with being bi. I am good with the fact that I can love a man and a woman, it gets tough sometimes Bc I want both at the same time, but I don't like being shided and turned away by people, namely lesbians, who sometimes give off the attitude that those of us who are bi are some how "less than" or aren't serious about our sexuality Bc being bi we are in between... ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2015 at 09:40 AM ---------- 100% agreed ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2015 at 09:42 AM ---------- Thanks for that good to know not everyone who falls into that category feels that way.
I'm curious. Have you encountered this attitude in real life interactions with lesbians, or strictly online? From what I understand, you are looking for a friend, who happens to be a lesbian. I'm a lesbian, in my mid 40s and have a boat load of lesbian friends. I don't know one of them who would treat you poorly. You just need a friend, and we all can use more of those. I do see the rants against bisexuals on some lesbian web sites and forums, but I tend to think that comes from the immaturity of the participants on those sites. So, are you encountering this in real life?
For what its worth, us bi guys mostly definitely encounter this from our gay friends - in real life and on the interwebs. There is a perception out there among gay men and lesbians that us bi people are eventually going to become fully gay, but just haven't had the courage to fully come out yet. There are many gay men (I can't speak for the lesbians) who have been hurt by getting involved with bi men who aren't out, and who, when push comes to shove, aren't willing to come out and risk loosing their heterosexual male privilege. I'm pretty sure that's were at some of the hostility comes from. It might be useful to find an out bisexual woman to be friends with. She might better understand where you're coming from and how to support you, and give you some pointers on coming out. Then again, some gay men and lesbians are very accepting of bisexuals. One of my best friends in the world and a great ally in my coming out process is a very wonderful 100% gay man whom I love dearly.
ECG, I have a bit of experience of this in real life but not as much as I have seen or experienced online. What you said about immaturity makes a lot of sense, thanks for your perspective. ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2015 at 04:26 PM ---------- Finding other bisexual women to be friends with would be ideal but it's not easy for me because I am not out and I dont exactly live in an area where finding those in similar circumstances is easy, it's frustrating for me.
Well, I live in a rural, but somewhat progressive, area, and I feel your pain. I've definitely had to make due with having primarily gay male friends. I would say that, even though some guys have given me flack for being bi, the amount of flack in real life has been relatively minimal and manageable. So if you can find some lesbian women to be friends with, I'd give it a go. You might have to make the occasional sassy remark in your own defense, but you'll probably get a lot out of hanging out with other queer people, and it'll be well worth the minor hassle. Isolation is definitely the enemy of self acceptance. Good luck!
