Hey guys! What do you think about emotional vs sexual connection? Can we have one without the other in a relationship or is that recipe for disaster? My background: I have been dating a girl for over 4 years, the last year on and off. I love her with all of my heart, she is also the only girl I have ever dated and my first real relationship. The problem is that although this is the strongest emotional bond I have ever felt with anyone, it is also the least sexually connected I have been with any lovers. She loves me and loves pleasuring me however I never feel the urge to or that burning in my loins to kiss her breast/body. I love kissing her I think she is beautiful and the most important person in my life. However, I can't get myself to say we have passionate healthy sex life. This has been very conflicting for me I don't want to let go of the person I love the most in the world because of sexual. I would say the emotional connection,bond, her adorable face, and personality is what brought us together. I really appreciate anyone's take on this, It is something that has been giving me anxiety.
I think the only person who can truly answer your question is you, and maybe with some help from your partner. Are you happy? Is she happy? Do either of you actually feel like something is missing from the relationship because you do not have that burning sexual desire? Have you talked to her about the situation? In truth, I think a relationship can work just fine without such a passionate side. Asexual people have healthy, wonderful romantic relationships without a sexual relationship. My advice would be, don't let any outside expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be dictate your present relationship. There is no prescribed rule on how a relationship should be. If you're happy, that is all that really matters.
I wouldn't say she's unhappy, she loves me and feels she knows I am the one for her. However, she is unhappy with the fact that we can't seem to have a stable relationship because of my doubts. She's my first girlfriend and I love her to death. I fear that the lack of sexual chemistry can take a toll of on us on a long term basis. For instance, me not initiating sex more often and then her feeling resent towards me. I worry that I will cheat if I stay although I am not the type. The emotional side of me is extremely happy but I worry about the future of a relationship without that sexual spark I guess. Sorry it's hard to explain these feelings. I feel as if it would be different for asexuals as they know for a fact that they just simply don't desire sex. I don't believe I am a sexual as I have/do desire sex.
Most of the times you need both to keep a relationship alive. If you feel like you're not really that much connected to her then maybe it just means that you need some time for yourself.
I'm having some difficulty understanding from what you've written exactly what's going on. Does your girlfriend want more sex with you than you are interested in having with her? I ask because you allude to her feeling some resentment. Do you want more sex, just not with your girlfriend? I ask because you refer to the possibility of you cheating on her. I think if you can clearly answer these questions, then people on this forum can give you some better advice.
I think both are equally important as it's hard to have one without the other. Especially, if you're considering on being with this one person for the rest of your life. It's kinda how I feel towards men and women; I enjoy being with women more emotionally than I do with men. Sexually? That's pretty much in the air and it all depends on how I feel towards that person, emotionally. I think having a strong emotional connection can make sex feel even better. Perhaps, she isn't the right person for you. Are you physically attracted to her at all?
