i'm confused of my orientation n often i have sexual fantaseis of my male friends where i'm blowing them it's like submissive gay sex. but whenever i try to have sex, like once i propositioned to blow a guy but the moment he agreed n put out his dick, i felt grossed out. like the smell irritated me. this happened on other few occasions, like just when i'm about to go into sex. like i'd be thinking of sex n all set for it, but the moment the guy takes out the dick i get freaked out to hold it. i was having gay sex when i was around 8 with a male cousin, n didnt experience any such grossed out feelings then.
Hmmmm, I'm not sure. Some guys just don't wash their junk very well. Maybe you need to pick better guys to blow?
lol i kinda go into depression after mastubaring to such thots. today morning i fancying sucking of a muscular black frnd n being like his toy. n after that i felt low, like super low. its not about accepting myself. i dont mind being with a guy, i even tried but then when i went for it, i didnt enjoy it. but one part of my mind is saying that since u've had gay sex as a kid and had fun, u shud enjoy it now as well/ i mean its just i feel this whole drainage of energy. shouldnt masturbation be encouraging. i mean i jerked off after 2 days, n shouldnt i be like motivated after the act?
Yeah there are definitely a number of sexual things about men and women I do not like. ---------- Post added 3rd Sep 2015 at 09:20 PM ---------- I also like people to be clean down there because I think it is gross if a person has not showered in at least a day or two.
Have you ever been in a relationship? I'm guessing that would help a lot and fits the pattern you wrote about (random hookups cause grossed out feelings, cousin did not). ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2015 at 09:38 AM ---------- Do you have sex with women? Can you jerk off to thoughts of women? Can you jerk off to guys where you are not submissive?
nope. havent been in any relationship with men/women i havent had sex yet with a woman. i can jerk off to thoughts about women. i've had nightfalls involving both men n women. i recently downloaded some gay porn, but when i watched it n tried to jerk off, i felt like some electric shock like stuff on my head. as in some disgust came n i stopped jerking off. when i think of having sex with men where i'm not submissive, i dont really like it. but i'm unable to break the pattern. as far as i can remember i have jacked off to thoughts about men. my first sexual encounter was with a guy when we were around 8 or 9. back then i also wanted to be a girl. now it's more clear as to why i was always depressed n just not interested in anything. its like i have this urge to watch gay porn n jerk off to submissive gay thoughts, even though i feel miserable after that. like an addiction, you can say. i am in office now, n am having an urge to open private window and save pictures of submissive gay blow jobs.
