I identify as pansexual (gender-blind), meaning that gender is not a factor at all in my choice of romantic or sexual partner. I don't care at all about gender when chosing who to give my heart or my physical intimacy to. However, recently when the topic of sexuality comes up, I've been struggling, for only one reason: I no longer find cisgendered heterosexal men attractive. This is due in part to past experiences (not that I was horribly mistreated or anything, I just was never entirely satisfied with a cis straight guy) and due in part to the natural shifting and fluidity of my orientation. If I am singling out a single gender as unattractive and unviable to me, am I still pansexual? Is there a word for this? I've been telling people that I'm a lesbian because, after all, I'm married to a woman, and people understand that. But that doesn't feel right, because I am still capable of being attracted to trans men and nonbinary people. I'm just confused. Input would be much appreciated.
Good question... I don't really know. Are you still attracted to cis gendered queer men? Or are all cis men off the table for you, full stop? Either way, in a dating context, the pansexual label might not be accurate enough, because you'd get unwanted attention from cis men. I think its totally fine for you to publically tell people your a lesbian, because sometimes its pretty tiring to explain queer theory to people who don't understand it over and over. Are you looking for a label to use publically, or one for you to use privately, with yourself and your close friends and fiends? Or are you looking for a properly descriptive label for an online poly dating situation? My point is that the degree of accuracy can vary with the intended audience. If it's not a situation that requires a high degree of accuracy, you might just consider the good old, vague term "queer", because it communicates that your not straight, but leaves plenty of wiggle room for non binary and trans people.
I am likewise confused about what to label myself when others insist that I do. I came out as a lesbian, but now find myself more than bisexual, not quite pansexual, and somewhat sapiosexual. It's all very confusing. I usually tell people I'm a human being. I don't fit in a box. If I have to label myself, I am comfortable with queer because nothing else seems to describe me accurately enough. I'm still in the process of discovering the full extent of my sexuality, but it is definitely fluid and variable. For me, when nothing else feels like a good fit label-wise...I think queer is a good term to use. In my opinion it means...you'll need to get to know me better before you can get a good grasp on my sexuality!
