So I have been back in forth between whether I identify more as gay or bi and I think cuz it's taking this much time there is a strong possibility that I am just bi. I tend to be more sexually inclined to men but in the past have imagined my self with a female, until recently when I have seen myself in a relationship with a male. However, while there may be more instances of sexual attraction to men, I think i can assume that if I found the right female, I could make a relationship work out. However, I really am in denial about bisexuality for a few reasons. My best friend, she previously had a crush on me. I have talked to her about my situation and she has been pretty supportive but one night, she said something along the lines that she wouldn't mind me dating guys but she would feel weird if I started dating other girls and asked me if this was okay. I didn't really know how to respond at the time and was slightly confused by this as I remember her saying before I came out as anything to her that she would not date a bi guy cuz she wants a masculine man, even though I'm not that masculine (at least I don't think I am). I don't know how to feel about this, I feel like if I am bi and don't go out with her, I will lose her as a best friend. I would like to have feelings for her and have tried many times but just don't like her in that intimate way. Moreover, I would basically have to live a straight life anyway because my family who i am very close to would tell me that I'm either just confused or that as a bisexual I have the choice to be in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship so I should just choose the heterosexual lifestyle since that makes more sense to them Please help!!
Hello IrishBuddha. From what you write, it seems you are more gay than bi. You say that you tend to be sexually attracted to guys... but 'imagined' with yourself with a female.. do you have as intense attractions towards girls too? Also, you say' I think i can assume that if I found the right female, I could make a relationship work out.' It feels that may be you are not as naturally comfortable with your attractions towards girls. 'I would like to have feelings for her and have tried many times but just don't like her in that intimate way.' Points more towards the idea that if you aren't feeling naturally drawn/attracted, may be you aren't as attracted to girls But if you don't like her specifically for certain personal reasons, or if she's not your type, then its a different issue. Only you can decide what feels natural to you. If you do feel that a heterosexual relationship/marriage feels forced, then it wouldn't be the right decision to go ahead with it. I understand that family pressures and social pressures are hard... but please be honest with yourself Hope you feel better!
Hi myself123, thank you for your response. I guess my source of confusion/doubt lies with the fact that yes, I do seem to have more attraction towards men for the most part. However, imagining myself in a gay relationship is more of a recent thing that has only developed over the past one or two years even though I have been attracted to males for a while. I've had female crushes but it's hard to tell if I actually felt this kind of attraction or wanted this because of social norms considering it was quite some time ago, it may have been a mixture of both. Moreover, I feel like while I have fantasied about guys more, I have imagined sexual intercourse with women more I think. Not to be graphic, but for example I don't tend to be turned on by the mere thought of a female but the thought of sex with one could seem appealing and for men, I am turned on by the thought of men and while many sexual acts also turn me on a great deal, anal, which I don't find completely repulsive (although I used to) does not turn me on as much as it seems more painful and a little more gross ( not to be offensive). I've had trouble trying to understand what this means.
You mention that the mere thought of women doesn't turn you on... but the idea of having sex with a woman does... Well, the idea of sex can surely cause arousal. So in your case, it could be with a guy or a girl. However, you say that the thought of woman doesn't turn you on, but the thought of guys does. And so does having sex with guys. May be you could think over this. Also, it isn't necessary for you to engage in anal if you don't like. I have read many gay couples aren't into anal. So if you do find anything about it unappealing or uncomfortable at the moment, its upto you.
Interesting, yes definitely have a little more to think about even though I am pretty sure I am gay, sometimes, I doubt it and think well I'm just bi or I wasn't conditioned for a gay lifestyle, depends on the day
Yeah I understand.. Doubts really do get to you. At the end of the day, try thinking about who would it be more emotionally and physically satisfying to be with...
