So, this is probably my like 3rd thread on this subject but I thought I had everything figured out but I guess I don't. I'm an 18 year old male and all my life I thought I was straight until a few months ago. I somehow got onto a gay porn video and enjoyed it. ever since then I've been going to gay porn and testing whether I like it, most of the time I don't and some of the times I do. All my life I've only ever really noticed women and have only ever had crushes on women and only ever watched straight/lesbian porn without any urge to watch gay porn."Good looking men" don't do anything for me. Of course a man with muscles looks good but I'm not sexually attracted to it like I am with the female body. Never seen a male and thought something like "damn, he's really hot" like I do A LOT with girls. It seems as though certain gay porn turns me on. I know people say porn isn't a good indicator of sexual orientation but surely it has some indication. I don't know if other people just suppress these feelings or hide them better but any straight male I know would be disgusted by it. If I was Bi or Gay I would have had some sort of crush or something to another male? On older threads people talk about me having a different porn taste but for some reason I just can't accept that. I don't know what to do anymore. It's literally taking over my life. All I think about now is my sexuality and all I do is test myself by fantasizing or seeing whether or not I get aroused by straight/lesbian/gay porn and if I see a good looking male I see whether or not I would kiss him or be in a relationship with him etc. If I see a good looking female it's like I question whether or not I even like her. It's so frustrating.
I'm just gonna second, or third, or fourth, whoever said that porn isn't a good indicator. Porn is just... porn. I'm a lesbian, and I hilariously prefer gay (male) porn to anything else. If outside of a staged and scripted encounter specifically filmed to excite *men* you're only interested in women, only have female crushes, only have female love interests with who you know in your real life, then yeah. You probably just have some out there porn tastes. Because judging by MINE I'm a gay male. Which last time I checked, I'm not.
Hello Walkerz19902015. I am sorry for what you are going through. For whatever/howmuchever measure you enjoy gay porn, its ok. The fact that you somewhat enjoy it doesn't mean you necessarily identify with it. Sometimes the taboo aspect of porn is what arouses us. In real life, as you say, guys do nothing for you.. no attraction.. or crushes... and you don't see yourself with a guy, you don't see yourself pursue anything with guys. Accept that gay porn does get you off at times.. but in real life, you know, all said and done, guys do nothing for you - this very thought could give you peace of mind that you need at the moment.
Porn is one of the lousiest way of identifying your orientation. You look pretty straight from what you described. Crushes and real-life sexual desire are crucial when discussing sexual orientation. If you don't think you will EVER be intimate or in a relationship with a man, why bother yourself with such questions? The answer usually lays within, you just need to search for it.
Thank you for the reassurance. It's just hard to accept that I have a "weird" porn taste which I enjoy when most straight men would find it slightly repulsive. Thank you. I think it could be the taboo-ness of it. When I do it I feel as though I'm doing something "wrong" which could maybe make it more exciting. Yea, I can't really ever see myself hugging or kissing a man in an intimate way. But whenever I "test" myself to see whether or not I would enjoy a relationship with a man and then find it undesirable, I always think that I'm just in denial or something. I'm probably over thinking it so much. Thanks for the replies. Very reassuring.
