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Just anxiety or something more?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by julesxx, Sep 5, 2015.

  1. julesxx

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    Ever since I went away to university a year ago, I've been suffering from (undiagnosed) anxiety and possibly mild depression. This was accompanied by low sex drive. When I was looking at a website talking about reasons for low sex drive in women, one of the options was "latent lesbianism". The anxiety hit me HARD and I started analyzing my past, trying to figure out if I have been a lesbian this whole time. (I have a boyfriend who I love, which is why this is exceptionally distressing for me.)

    Over the past year, I've alternated between
    • being very confident i'm actually straight
    • accepting that i might be bisexual
    • being confident yet terrified that i am actually a lesbian

    I'm just so sick of going back and forth like this. I wonder if this is associated with my screwy mental health, or is it something more??? Does this thought pattern resonate more with being a lesbian in denial, or being straight and anxious?

    Thank you SO much in advance for any help.
     
  2. andimon

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    I highly recommend that you deal with the anxiety and depression first. If your unclear orientation and anxiety are linked you're only one step away from getting better. So I have two questions to start with:

    1) Regarding your depression and anxiety, what you suspect are the main reasons causing them?

    2) Do you feel any sexual attraction towards your boyfriend (and men in general)?
     
  3. julesxx

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    Andimon, thanks so much for the quick reply!! I'm going to try to see a therapist at school this year so I can start getting better.

    To answer your questions...
    1) I think it may just be living away from home for the first time. I'm kind of a homebody and being away from my family and boyfriend (we're now in a LDR as we go to different schools) has been hard on me. I've always been easily affected by stress and loneliness, so I guess it just hit me harder than usual. Lately, my anxiety is usually centered around my orientation, but it sometimes shifts to center around me/my family/my boyfriend dying.

    2) My boyfriend and I started dating about 6 months before my sexual orientation fears set in. Before we started dating, I was very sexually attracted to him (but I only developed a crush on him after we became close friends, which seems to be a common trend when I crush on guys). I still am sexually attracted to him, but the level fluctuates (possibly based on my mood??). I find men attractive, but I am not aroused by random naked men like I am with women. However, ever since I was younger I've only ever crushed on guys (and this includes celebrity crushes).

    Hope this will be able to add some helpful information...
    Thanks again!
     
  4. andimon

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    Knowing there's at least one guy you are crazy about, I think, removes the possibility of being plain lesbian. I tend to believe you are bisexual leaning towards women.

    From my experience, I've met people who were having either low or high Kensey scale grade, but were able to develop huge crushes on the lesser gender.

    So I guess it's time you let go to the orientation anxiety and just stopped caring about what you like. Whatever you want is okay, you don't need to label yourself in order to feel confident.

    You should keep in contact as much as you can with both your family and boyfriend. Chat a lot and spend each spare moment together.

    Hugs! (*hug*)
     
  5. julesxx

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    Thanks again for the reply andimon!
    I think what has especially confused me is that I have never had a crush on a girl before and I don't really want to date them. The extent of my attraction to women is through porn (and I also like looking at attractive girls in real life). But I don't see how I could be leaning towards women if I've never had a crush on one.