I am a 14 year old guy and I'm in denial. I really want to be a bisexual. Problem is, I don't know if I really am bisexual. I am attracted sexually to men, but romantically to women. I find vaginas disgusting and uncomfortable and I've only ever watched gay porn. But, I always seem to get crushes on girls and when I see a girl in my class I like, I always think about what a beautiful life we'd have together. But then when I see a hot guy, I think of sucking his dick and worshipping him. What. Is. My. Sexual orientation?! I'm so confused I'm starting to hate myself. I really want to grow up and live with a woman and have my own children, but I'm scared of change. I don't want to be gay.
Please don't hate yourself! You are here among friends and this is a place where you can vent and question and rage without any fear, you are safe here! It is frustrating not knowing what is going on. But just take things slowly and be gentle with yourself. You may not eventually have all the answers, but soon enough you will have enough answers to live your life the way that is valid and authentic for you. Don't rule anything out, be open to your feelings (you are already doing that, so that is good!) and be true to who you are. You can go with being bisexual for now, and if that changes later you can change it later. Many people are sexually fluid, changing preferences as they go. The "normal" life of growing up, getting married, and having kids is a social ideal that many of us just do automatically. But the "Coming out Later in Life" forum is proof that this doesn't work for everyone, and ends up with heartbreak if you aren't really sure. If you try to live your life in any other way than authentic, your past will just come back to haunt you (trust me!). You are self aware at a young age, so you have an advantage!! Please be patient with yourself. Hope this helps.
