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Confused girl with some question

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by vattenkanna, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. vattenkanna

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Okey so I am 18 and I have been questioning my sexuality for almost a year I think? But my question is how does attraction feels like? Because I can't really identify this feeling.

    Also I'm wondering over if you are only romantically interested in a gender, does this attraction feels different compared to if you are both romantically and sexual attracted to a person? Also how does it divides from like the feelings you have for you friends? Where goes the line.

    It maybe sounds like stupid question but I'm been thinking about it a lot because I haven't really noticed if I'm been attracted or had a crush on somebody. I'm like an expert on flirting with guys unintentional but then it doesn't mean anything to me and I stop when they are getting interested. It sounds horrible but my intention was just to be friendly...

    But I had a kiss with a guy when I was 13 and it was horrible and boring. He wanted to kiss and I wanted to play video games - what a mess. But I had kiss guys before like on the cheek and just lips against lips and I don't know what I thought about them, nothing special I guess. I was always the one to get kissed and not kiss. One of my friends from back then recently told me that the guys were more interested in me than I was in them.

    And after that I haven't been intimate with anybody, because I haven't felt like I have liked somebody. And I do remember thinking when I was like 14, 15 that I wasn't much interested in guys. When I was like 8 - 12 it was innocent and everybody ran around asking if they wanted to be together with them (not sure what is called in English, we have a more specific word for it in Swedish) I was probably together with half of my class back then (guys though). All from 15 minutes to months. But you barely talked to each other, maybe some hand holding, a kiss on the cheek and a dance at the school disco. But when I was thirteen things got kind of seriously and stopped being innocent.

    It is only one time I might have been attracted to a guy and it was when I was 14/15 and I just realized it like a few months back. But he was like different (okey he was very girly, feminine) and I really wanted to be near him, hugging maybe touching I don't remember what I thought, but I really wanted to get to know him. But didn't do anything about it because at the same time I didn't want to be with him? I don't remember how I felt exactly. But we were just friends.

    When I was 15/16 we were playing a really important soccer game and we won and one of my best friends (girl) at the time kissed me at my cheek and it was wonderful. That kind of all I remember and that I thought about it a lot afterwards. But it was kind of a lost memory that came up when I started to questioning.

    Just two months ago I was at a party, no it happened during two parties, and for the record I was a little bit drunk, but I just needed to be around one of my best friends (girl) all the time. If she disappeared from my side I was directly following after her. But it was at the second party I just wanted to touch her everywhere, kiss her and maybe to more stuff. I have never felt like that before and I don't feel like that when we are hanging out normally. It was just these two times. Can you call them drunk feelings? But they felt so real...

    But yeah, I guess that was everything I needed to get out of me. Even if I'm talking to one of my friends they don't really get it. I'm from Sweden and English is just my second languages so it is probably a lot of grammar errors, but just live with it!

    Have a lovely day! :slight_smile:
     
  2. Nightdream

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Attraction for me is... Feeling your heartbeat get faster when this person is close, wishing you could stay closer to the person, get your hands or her, kiss and... Maybe go further than that. It's what makes one not only wanting, but almost needing a closer body contact with someone else. Oh, and by the way, I felt it very few times through my life, so it's not something you're supposed to feel every single time you see someone of the opposite/same sex.
     
  3. BlueRazzberry

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    I've learned recently I'm gay and I'm still coming to terms with it. It's not something I knew or really had a clue about before, but I always knew I was at least bi, and figured out later I was suppressing those feelings because I figured I liked girls, too, so it didn't matter (and that it was probably just a phase like everyone said.) After a lot of thinking about how I've never been happy in a relationship, and I've only been with girls (but wished I could be with a boy) I figured there had to be more. I've only ever had an attraction to women because they're pretty and I've always been jealous of them. From what I understand, jealousy is often confused with attraction (which always felt forced to me, although I couldn't pin point it until recently.)
    Perhaps, like myself, you're feeling forced into the idea of liking males and, also, suppressing feelings you may have for people of the same gender.

    I never felt trans, gay, or anything growing up. I've only begun to actually question everything since being out of school and losing my social life other than work, which makes sense when I think about it since I don't have any schoolwork or friends to distract me, and now, no relationship.

    Perhaps you'll find some gem in my words that could spark an idea for you. Best of luck, vattenkanna!