Hi all, I'm hoping some on here can give me some advice or insight on a recent development in my life so I can begin sorting all of this out. First, a little background (sorry if this is long). I remember the first time I felt sexual attraction. I was 10 years old and one of the older boys in my Karate class had taken off his shirt to change. I was immediately drawn and interested. I ended up having a crush on him for about two years. I fantasized about sex with him and other men from that point on. I had my first "boyfriend" when I was 12. Women never crossed my mind, and I was very tomboyish, so I felt pretty much zero connection with them socially or emotionally. When I was 13, I had a dream (I don't remember what is was about), but I remember waking up feeling like something wasn't right. Something clicked, and I began to worry that I might like girls. I talked to my mom about it, and she was very reassuring and told me that she and my dad love me no matter what. However, I as I entered high school, no feelings for girls ever developed and I never felt physically attracted to them. I made a couple very close female friendships, one of which is still my best friend after more than a decade. I had several crushes and dated three guys seriously in high school (6 months to 2+ years). I had physical relationships with all of them and recalled enjoying all of the encounters. I fell deeply in love with one guy and we got engaged. He broke things off very suddenly at the end of our first year of college (he is now out as queer, and I assumed that had something to do with it). I dated and hooked up with guys throughout college. My best friend moved in with me. She regularly walked around topless or even naked. I don't remember feeling any attraction. She drunkenly made out with me on a couple occasions, and I don't remember feeling anything. I started dating my ex at the end of my senior year. We got very serious, to the point where he even moved across country to live with me while I got my master's degree. We broke up about 6 months ago when I found out that he'd been cheating on me on and off throughout our relationship. I never wanted to marry him, and I assumed that was due to some intuition I had about his unfaithfulness. However, since the break up, I started wondering if I didn't want to marry him because I'm not straight. Out of the blue, I'm suddenly aroused by female bodies and I never have been before. Additionally, I have almost zero interest in pursuing relationships with men. I'm still physically attracted to some, but the idea of actually engaging in any sort of emotional or physical relationship is repulsive to me. It's been very unsettling and I feel like I'm not the same person I've been for the first 23 years of my life. Everything feels like it's been flipped upside down. This is upsetting mostly because this is not who I want to be. I have nothing against gay or bisexual people and have plenty of friends who swing that way. I live in a very liberal environment in which I could come out and no one would bat an eye. My parents wouldn't care at all. I exist in an ideal situation to not be straight...but something about it feels so wrong. It's like a compulsion that I can't get rid of. Thanks in advance for your help and insight!
What you've experienced isn't abnormal. Sometimes, sexualities can change, with or without a reason. It's possible that your orientation has just changed, but I can't tell you your sexuality. Only you can do that!
