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I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbians

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by metalchick, Sep 7, 2015.

  1. metalchick

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    a family member has really got me 2nd guessing myself (I wasn't 100% sure anyway), is this normal, if someone is a lesbian or a gay male, to not be interested in the same sexes appearance until they get to know the person some?

    I told her that I like girls, but said to her it doesn't mean I look at girls the way straight guys look at them in their bathing suits, is this normal though?

    some guys I know, know if they like the girl right away

    is it normal to not know if you like her, until you get to talk to her 1st? is it normal to not know right away?

    I know of some straight girls who told me it took a long time for them to be attracted to a guy

    so that makes me wonder why it wouldn't work the same for some gay people

    she didn't seem to convinced, now I really cant figure this out :help:
     
  2. VacantPlanets

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    For those of us whom are pansexual this is rather common, some people I know right away. Others it took months for me to see them that way. Neither your attraction to women, nor mine will be anything like a straight man's. They tend to have very fake sexualities that are given to them via the media. So the guy in his head right away says that's what the TV says is sexy, I'm going with that.

    I however do not find the same women as them attractive, and how long it takes.....I never know. lol
     
  3. loveislove01

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    I don't think it has to do anything with the fact that you are gay. People experience attraction in different ways.

    Personally, I need to know them before feeling any sort of attraction. I'll think, "Oh, she/he is hot" but will not feel sexually or romantically attracted to them until I know their personality. And it works like that for many.

    What makes you gay is only experiencing attraction to girls. It's perfectly normal not to like anybody without knowing their personality, people just work differently.
     
  4. secretagent

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    I have this same problem and it's what stopping me from coming out. I don't develop crushes on girls until I talk to them and get to know them. I don't ever get turned on really or look at a girl and get butterflies with the way she looks or how anyone looks. It's confusing and your the first person i have heard about that thinks the same way but if it happens to 2 people then there should be others. Idk if this helped but whatever.
     
  5. IrishBuddha6

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    I could be wrong, but I kind of feel that this could be because males and females behave and fall in love differently. Men do tend to be more receptive to visual attraction. Regardless, it's probably better to fall in love with the person first rather than their appearance, that way you can sort out the mean people and the keepers :slight_smile:
    Good luck!
     
  6. metalchick

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    thanks guys, this makes me feel better :slight_smile:

    I also notice, if there's a girl think I like, I usually think to myself "wow, I'd really like to get to know her better" and I try to talk to her

    for many years I never realized they were crushes

    I used to think when that happened "omg I wanna be her friend!!" lmao that was the perfect cover up for my denial
     
  7. BookWriter1994

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    Oh wow I never realized that can happen! To be honest, the only people that I had ever like was when after I get to know them better. Half of the male crushes that I had was formed after we had became friends first. I have been wondering why every time I see a cute guy I never felt any sort of attraction like, fuzzy butterflies or shaky fingers. Now I see why it is because i do not know them yet and that's why i am like this. So glad that i am not the one going through this
     
  8. waternation

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    Ooh, I went through this before/when I realised I was gay (or pan, or whatever I am lol). I thought it was really strange that I wasn't attracted to girls just by physical appearance, although I could tell when girls were attractive! Apart from the odd circumstance, I really didn't think it was different to how other straight girls looked at other girls. When I had my first crush on a girl, it was because I had fallen for her personality, not her looks... it's hard to explain. But it was things like eyes, and smile that I noticed before I started accepting that there were other things physically I was attracted to women about too. I think for me, a lot of it was social conditioning, because I do remember as a younger teenager looking at girls like most of the girls around me were looking at guys and then I persuaded myself to look at guys because that was what was normal. Guys are cute, don't get me wrong :icon_wink But, ahh, most of the time it's just not the same as being around a girl! (still trying to figure that part out) I don't know if not feeling attracted to girls straight away is normal if you're lesbian. I wouldn't think of it as not normal. But like loveislove01 said, people experience attraction in different ways. Maybe that's just how you are! (and let's be honest, some straight guys are just disrespectful, creepy perverts anyway :dry:slight_smile: I would just think that attraction is different for gay people as it is for straight people. Some are more attracted to personality. Some are more attracted to looks. Some notice one before the other. Don't think it's any reason to freak out (*hug*)
     
  9. Invidia

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    It's normal for lesbians or people of any orientation, honey. You've got nothing to worry about. :slight_smile:
     
  10. AthenaEvince

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi


    Agreed ^^ I consider myself a lesbian, but say, going to a strip club, is not something I'm drawn to, because I have a hard time feeling actual attraction without some emotional/mental stimulation. Which is totally fine! (Now if they bring me a cup of coffee and ask me about my favorite novel, that's a different story :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: )

    The thing you gotta realize with this stuff is that... whatever/however you're feeling is OKAY. If you don't know for sure if you just haven't gotten to know a guy well enough before so you're questioning your "lesbianism"--that's fine. You don't have to label yourself, and you don't have to answer to anyone.

    You are who you are, and you will fall for (and eventually love) whoever you do. Just because you think you're a lesbian now doesn't mean you're not actually bi, or pan, or poly, or whatever, later down the road. Nothing is set in stone. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
    #10 AthenaEvince, Sep 8, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2015
  11. rachael1954

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    Re: I'm really freaking out, I thought I was gay, but idk if this is normal for lesbi

    It's normal, happened to me. Blew my world apart. Now I'm posting on EC instead of sleeping.