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Bi or not - confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Mihael, Sep 8, 2015.

  1. Mihael

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    Some sources say that if someone has ever experienced attraction to men and to women, then this person is bisexual.

    Others say that you have to have a sort of crush on the person of the same sex to be bi. That one has to be attracted both romantically and sexually, and in something close to equal proportions.

    So... em... I don't know any more. Leaving alone that my sexuality flutuates in intensity with phases of cycle, I do not know if what I experience towards some women is legitimate attraction or not.

    With men, it's simple. I see a guy. I might find him attractive in some way. He may be so handsome that I start fantasising about him. Or I might want to lead things so that we'll go on a date or something. But not always. I often find guys attractive/get aroused and this is the end of my thoughts about him. "Oh, nice guy" and that's it. End.

    Of course, I've had several partners, guys hit on me, I hit on guys. And I haven't ever done this with women.

    The bisexual thing is that I sometimes find also women attractive or arousing. And actually arousal is what makes me think sexual thoughts about a person (like about sex, kissing, cuddling etc), so... I also feel this way about women.

    But I can't imagine dating one, simply because for me it has always been woman=friend, man=possible datemate/friend. For some reason, I can't comprehend female-female emotional intimacy (with one of the females being me) in terms of dating, but rather as close friendship. In relationship with a man, I see romance as a merger of friendship with sexuality, but when I'm friends with a girl and I have those sexual feelings about her, the two don't match up into romance.

    Even if I decided to go for a date with a woman, and kissed with her, I would still see it as "extended friendship" or a different kind of frienship or relationship in the first place, but definitely not as the same thing as with the guys and as romance. As not a romance. Not as something that excludes me from being with somebody else too. As soemthing not connected with marriage, being a couple, giving flowers...

    Does it make sense to you? I can't comprehend. :eusa_doh:

    I know, I know, people get angry a lot about one-night-stand bisexuals who don't want to be a couple with another woman... (Em, actually, I don't do sexual things with random people on parties. Not ever. Woman, man - not. It's not my thing) But please don't be angry for just a moment
     
  2. myself123

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    Hello emery.
    From what you write above, you do seem to be bisexual. Well, I believe if a person is sexually attracted to both genders, that's bisexuality. The proportions of attraction could vary or you can have a preference.
    In this case, it seems that you have a preference for guys as you see yourself physically-emotionally attracted to them and see yourself in a relationship with them.
    Do you hold back from flirting with girls consciously or is it something that you don't feel like? If its a conscious thing, then try be open to it. If it is something natural then I believe that you might be sexually attracted to guys and girls, but if its guys, in all honesty, that you see yourself with, then that's it.
     
  3. Mihael

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    I don't feel like doing it, rather.
     
  4. myself123

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    Then it seems that you have a preference towards guys, as that is more physically and emotionally satisfying to you in the bigger picture.
     
  5. Mihael

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    So... is this straight-leaning bisexual or simply straight?
     
  6. myself123

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    I would say straight leaning bisexual, as you are attracted to girls sexually too to an extent but a clear preference for guys.
    Well, I would also like to add ( I'm sorry I missed this point) that the mere thought of sex can sometimes be arousing. So if you aren't sexually attracted to girls, per se and its just sexual thoughts that you harbour ( if that makes sense) and that you have no desire to have anything to do with them physically then you could very well be straight.
     
  7. Mihael

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    So what does it mean to be sexually attracted versus thinking about sex/being aroused when you see somebody? Is it about having sex with this person versus generally or about something else?
     
    #7 Mihael, Sep 8, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2015
  8. myself123

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    Sorry if I wasn't clear above. It is the idea of sex that can be arousing, be it towards guys or girls. The idea and fantasy of it can sometimes be arousing. But when it comes down to reality, it might not pan out the same way.
    However, if you are attracted TO girls, then you could be straight leaning bisexual.

    I'm so sorry if I confused you with that. It was just a thought I think I should have mentioned.
     
    #8 myself123, Sep 8, 2015
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  9. Mihael

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    No, no, I just have many questions :grin:

    I have made a little bit of thinking.

    And TO means that girls make think of sex, not thinking of sex first and then the girl? This kinda... causality, that someone is the cause of the sexual thoughts and whatnot?

    ---------- Post added 8th Sep 2015 at 08:01 AM ----------

    No, no, I just have many questions :grin:

    I have made a little bit of thinking.

    And TO means that girls make think of sex, not thinking of sex first and then the girl? This kinda... causality, that someone is the cause of the sexual thoughts and whatnot?
     
  10. myself123

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    Yeah something along those lines. I don't know, I might be completely wrong on this one, but just put it out there.
    In real life, do you see yourself kissing etc or desire to be physically-emotionally intimate with girls?
     
  11. QBear

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    Emerry,

    Can you give us an example of a situation were you found a woman arousing, and the thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions you had?

    Also, can you imagine yourself enjoying having casual sex with a woman who was your friend and that you are attracted to?

    That might help us help you figure this out more clearly.

    (And, note that finding women "attractive", per se, is not in itself a sign of bisexuality. It can merely be an aesthetic observation, not something you would ever act on.)
     
  12. Mihael

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    I didn't have time to respond by now.

    Ugh, I don't know. It's not realistic, because neither me nor her will proceed in the "lovely" direction. I guess so.

    Never mind. Let's leave it alone.

    --------------

    Em, so my thoughts when I find someone arousing are literally no thoughts... I just look, think "He/she is pretty/beutiful/sexy" and there it goes down... I can't imagine myself having casual sex with anyone. I'm terrified with the idea of pregnancy. Period. And I feel uncomfortable about being so intimate with someone I don't know well and am not in a romantic relationship with. (It doesn't mean I don't fantasise about casual sex in any situation or any place) It's just not realistic, but I keep on reating with arousal to both men and women, which I find hella confusing. My libido is high, but I'm super conditioned socially against sex (you know, it's degrading for a woman to have sex, woman can't want sex per say, when you have sex with a man - you are conquered and he just used you for his pleasure, that sort of crap...) I haven't tried anything or explored it any deeper than feeling wrong about my own reactions and fantasising a bit, but honestly I have no idea how it would go in reality and have no real urge to explore because I don't want to rock the boat, there are plenty of guys whom I could happily date without anyone giving a blink and I'm scared. Additionally I'm scared of falling in love with a girl, because I want to have kids. Easily. With a guy I know.I don't want to mix my genes with those of a random stranger from a sperm bank. And, I don't feel that strongly about women, and about romance in the first place. It is extremely rare for me to fall in love and really want to be with someone, to date them, go for a coffee. And I get to sex through this route.