Can anyone explain to me the hook-up culture amongst gays? With all the websites, apps, etc...I just don't get how people can have sex with strangers continuously for so many years. What's the point? What drives people to do it? Granted, I was into that when I was younger and closeted. So I can't say much. I think I did it as an escape in a way...or a way to meet guys without having the romantic side that I was afraid of. After a while it just got old and lost it's spark. I haven't been on it for a long time. It just gets frustrating when you do meet people...it seems like all they want to do is get in your pants...and will say anything to make you do it. Sorry for the rant, I'm just getting frustrated.
The hookup culture is a way to avoid/escape the shame of being gay by seeking validation through sexual conquest. As you point out, it's far easier to hook up than to make oneself vulnerable and express genuine romantic feelings with another guy. I would suggest reading The Velvet Rage - A compelling read that has opened my eyes to the landscape of gay culture and even some of the things that I did to deal with the shame before coming out (and even before I came out to myself). Are there any meetup groups in your area? This might be a good source of like-minded guys. Guys who were previously married to women actually know a few things about relationships as well ... Good luck
Not everyone that is in the hookup culture is trying to validate something, some of them are genuinely just horny, and there really is nothing wrong with that. It is just sex. People that do it because they feel pressure to do so, ya there is something wrong with that, but those that are enjoying themselves aren't do anything wrong. A lot take preventative measures to not get STDs....etc, PreP, condoms....etc. The only thing I think strange is some guys will think that since they are taking PreP and using condoms that there is no risk of getting HIV but there still is a slight one. People defend PreP like it's God or something. It really isn't weird for people to have slept with over 20 partners....etc, I know some guys that stopped counting after 100; I personally would never sleep with them though because of that.
I agree. Thank you. We hear the same points made on the opposite side of this argument. People are horny. They can access sex and they derive pleasure from it. Nothing more. Nothing less. There are so many people who say they want a relationship and really don't, and they are annoyingly complicated, fussy, and all that. So, then, people default to hooking up or FWB arrangements. Big deal. And I don't really like it when people who I see as part of the problem, and that's my judgment call, then call out those who hook up every now and then.
Have you seen the recently released studies on Prep? In a two year period, not a single person participating contracted HIV. Very impressive. ---------- Post added 9th Sep 2015 at 09:45 AM ---------- Have you seen how many apps, web sites, etc exist for the Straight world???? Not sure I see a differentiation.
To be fair, the non-committal tendencies of gay men are no more unhealthy than the hyper-committal tendencies of lesbians. It can be just as detrimental to the health of the relationship to dive into commitment too fast. Everyone in the queer community could use a little healing in the relationship/intimacy/trust area. Shame really does warp our sense of self.
