How often do you feel aroused with a partner?

I'm trying to figure out my sexuality and it's proving to be very difficult. It's causing me a lot of anxiety and stress and most of all, analyzing my past.

I broke up with my boyfriend a little over a month ago. Since then I've been trying to figure out if it didn't work because I'm actually gay, or for other reasons. Before and throughout our relationship, when we weren't together I would turn to lesbian porn, probably meant for men. For whatever reason that was just my routine because it worked once and I just stuck with it. I never thought I was gay when I watched, it was just something I did to orgasm. And there wasn't attraction to women in everyday life.

With my boyfriend, I wasn't in a state of always-aroused-couldn't-keep-my-hands-off-of-him. But when I was into it, it was great and my feelings were there and strong. I felt guilty because he always seemed to be in that sexually excited state and I wasn't.

But when I decided to watch the porn, I knew what my goal was, so to speak, and I would just masturbate and be done.

I don't really know what I'm getting at. I'm scared that I could be gay, because that means I've been lying to myself for my entire life (I'm almost 20). Sometimes when I think about the possibility of being bisexual, I feel somewhat relieved- not sure if it's because that to me means that I can continue living a heterosexual lifestyle while actually being full on gay, or if it's because that's actually my truth, that I'm attracted to both genders.

Since questioning I'm not able to put my mind at ease or find any natural attractions. It's really torturous. Idk. Anyone felt similar at any point?