I think "oversexualized" is the wrong word, but I can't think of a better one. I've been doing a lot of informal research on sexuality, and I'm starting to get annoyed with people defining sexual orientation strictly by sexual attraction. "Who physically arouses you?" "Who would you want to sleep with?" I suppose it should be all about sex, as that is what "SEXUAL orientation" implies, but most published sources I've read define orientation as who someone is romantically, emotionally, AND sexually attracted to. By these standards, the sexual part of a person's orientation is only about a third of the equation, if that (and don't people say that sex is 90% mental, 10% physical, anyway?). Of course, this probably varies from person to person, but from my perspective, that's the gist of it. Why do I bring this up? As far as I'm concerned, I'm a lesbian. I've never been in a relationship with anyone or slept with anyone, so I don't think I'm too knowledgeable on this topic to begin with. But I see myself being in an LTR with a woman. But here's the thing: While I know I am emotionally and romantically attracted to females, I think I'd probably prefer sex with a guy--not the touchy kissing and embracing and all that, just the black-and-white PiV act. This is the only attraction I have to guys in any way; I don't really find them that attractive, mentally or physically, in person (when picturing sleeping with a guy, I don't even picture a face, just some generic guy I'd never be able to describe). But girls catch my eye. I crush on them. I want to be with them. And it's not like sex with them turns me off-- it's just that straight-up sex with guys (no pun intended) seems more ideal per se. What do you think? Is sexual orientation more about the romantic/emotional side of things, or is the main factor sexual attraction? Thanks for your responses, perhaps they'll help me figure things out.
I agree. By the "'oversexualized" orientation description you talked about, I should be straight or bisexual because I can be physically aroused by women, and I am totally honest, far more often than I am aroused by men. However I consider myself gay because I have no interest in having any relationship with a woman. While I may be attracted at times to their bodies, I am oddly not interested in sex with women... Men are the opposite. I'm attracted to them romantically, emotionally, and in every other way. I just don't get erections from guys very often. It's quite odd.
Orientation isn't just about pure sex- though often in media and in society anything other than heterosexuality can be easily hypersexualized. Yes, orientation does include who you're sexually attracted to and it does have its physical side but that is definitely not all of it. When I think about how I like girls I don't just think about sex all day long. There's way more to orientation than that- there's the care, connection, the affection and obviously the love. It feels very natural and feels right, and sometimes it makes me feel pretty giddy too- think all those endless heterosexual love movies with birds singing in the background and long cheesy monologues. The factors vary I suppose, but imo it really is that intrinsic connection. And yes, I do think that a lot of the time orientation/sexuality is oversexualized, though I think it's hypersexualized much more with sexualities that aren't heterosexual.
It is oversexualized. Otherwise they wouldn't've invented the "insert-orientation-hereromantic" orientation.
I'm attracted to women, period. I don't really care what they have downstairs, but I know I like women: the way they act, the way they dress, the way the carry themselves, the sounds of their voices. I'm don't think I'll ever be the kind of person to have hook ups; again, I feel like attraction is not all about the sex.
For me, I think that attraction is much more about the romantic/emotional than the sexual. Although i think this might be different for different people. This is probably the main reason why I can't let go of attraction completely towards guys, because I know that sexually it's not the same depth of attraction as towards girls. A curiosity sometimes, but usually nothing heaps more unless there's a pretty strong connection. Although I get what you mean about straight sex being more appealing... in my mind, I can think this sometimes, but when it comes to being in a situation like that, just... uh... no. Unless it's someone that I am absolutely in love with, otherwise I can't get past that for guys at all. No doubt imo though, that sexuality is soooooo over-sexualised by the media, and everyone is put into those clear-cut boxes of being straight or gay; or that sexuality is focused on about being the purely "sexual" part of attraction. Sexuality is rarely ever portrayed as something ambiguous, or in-between, or flexible.
I agree that the sexual aspect of sexual orientation is given too much significance. As a boy I was physically attracted to some boys and men, and had affectionate and romantic feelings for them, way before they had any sexual or erotic significance. In fact my early erotic fantasies were heterosexual even though I had never any similar attractions or feelings towards girls. As a teen, my physical attraction to certain guys (and never girls), and my affectionate/romantic feelings for them, were strong, persistent and clear enough to flip (or correct?) my erotic fantasies and I became the homosexual I had, in hindsight, always been. This cleared up a lot of confusion; it was one hell of a relief just to know who I was! It was damned frightening at the same time, but that’s a different issue. What I realise from this is that my homo”sexual”ality starts not from sexuality at all, but from who I am attracted to physically and for who I have romantic, loving feelings. It shows too that purely sexual or erotic feelings can be fluid and influenced by both ourselves and the society we grow up in. As a young teen I didn’t even know it was possible to have sexual feelings for the guys I found so attractive. Sex was about a guy and a girl and making babies, right? It was as if I had to give myself permission to be sexually aroused by the guys I fancied.
This is pretty much what kept me thinking I wasn't a lesbian. My mind was all like, "But what about all those thoughts you had about guys?" Of course, I'd always had those thoughts alone with no one around; in public settings, though, I'd still find myself staring at girls.
