Hi, I'm new here. Need someone to talk to about this. Has anyone ever felt the same way? There is not one single person in my real life that I feel comfortable talking to about this. Not that my family and friends are not understanding, they are, but I feel like if I tell them my feelings I can never take it back. So I have been pretty confused for a while. I've thought I was asexual, bisexual, lesbian, straight. I have no clue what I am. Grade k-8, I did like guys. I liked celebrities and one guy in my class. I don't remember much about girls except I did have an obsession with a few female celebrities. I always felt a few steps behind the other girls. We would watch movies and my friends first instinct would be "oh that guy is so HOT!" and I was be like "what? who? I missed it" I was not paying attention to it. In high school, I don't remember when it happened, but there was a time when I really wanted to kiss a girl, well I still do, that feeling never went away. Thanks to that Katie Perry song I convinced myself it was normal. I went through phases on and off in high school and always came to the conclusion it is okay straight girls kiss girls, straight girls have girl crushes, blah blah blah. I always managed to brush off my feelings and go back to only thinking about boys. I really wanted a boyfriend, that was all I ever wanted, but every time I had a chance to get a boyfriend I pushed him away because he was "not the right one" there was always something wrong with him. One huge thing that really scared be was that I got this feeling that I did not understand when I talked to a pretty girl or went near a pretty girl. This feeling I later found out was butterflies and I did not like that I was getting them with girls a majority of the time. Anyway skipping over a few things. I went through a lot of inner turmoil. Those reoccurring feelings of "I really want to kiss a girl" never stopped, but I managed to squash it until it returned again. As the years went by I became less and less keen on getting a boyfriend. Lets skip to today. TODAY So today, I have never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I have always rejected any guy who came close to me because it did not feel like he was right. And with girls, well I have never once been approached by a girl. The reason I am so confused is because I feel like I will never know my sexual orientation for sure unless I try it out. I am kind of accepting the fact that I like women, I like women a lot. What is confusing me is that my attraction to men is starting to fade. It scares me because in my mind I always thought I would marry a guy, I always fantasized about having a boyfriend, I liked men a lot! And now I don't know what is going on! Also, I have a problem with bisexuality. I really do not want to be bisexual. I can accept bisexuality for others, but for some reason I will not allow myself to accept it for me and I know that is WRONG and IGNORANT but it is hard to change a thought that has been there for so long. I don't know what is happening. Sometimes I wonder if it is all in my mind. I don't know if I do like guys, I don't know if I really like girls. I don't know if I do not actually like anyone. What I do know is that if I got a boyfriend and lived my life never being with a woman, It would be the worst thing I could ever imagine. If I got a girlfriend and I lived my life not ever being with a man, I would not care one bit. Basically, I have liked guys my entire life, but now that I have allowed myself to like women I am having trouble liking guys the same way I did before. My entire life as I knew is was flipped upside down these past few years. Women are always on my mind now and I don't know what to do. Its scary and not something I ever thought would happen in my life. I never thought I would actually be queer and it scares me. I don't know? I fear that I will get a boyfriend and I will find out I like it so much that all these feelings I have were not actually real. On the other hand I fear that I will get a girlfriend and find out that all these feeling I have are very real. sigh. I don't know what to do. All I know with 100% certainty is that there is no way I am fully straight. I can't not like women, I don't think those feelings are fake at all. I just don't know how strong those feelings are and how far I could go with a woman or how far I could go with a man. Has anyone ever felt this way? Does anyone have any advice or input? Something? I have never told anyone my feelings. Nobody knows how strong my feelings have become for women lately. Will they just go away one day like my feeling for men did? What is going on?
I recently learned of a sexuality I had never heard of before called Abrosexuality. It means your sexuality constantly changes. Or you could be bisexual, but leaning more towards women. Good luck on figuring it out though.
You could be biromantic, but homosexual? I remember up until highschool, I always liked guys. Then I realized I liked girls and others too. then I looked back on all the guys I liked, and realized that they were all potentially gay/not straight. Then I realized that I'm genderfluid. It's a bumpy road. There are other sexualities as well, such as demisexual or asexual. Don't feel the need to label it though.
I know you saw the thread I posted about being confused and thinking I'm aromantic, but I just wanted to say again I feel exactly the same way you do. I've always felt a little off when all of my friends wanted boyfriends and thought celebrities were hot. I just didn't get it. And I flirt with guys, perhaps because I like the attention of it? Or perhaps because I actually like them? But then as soon as they'd like me too I'd get super scared and my feelings would stop. I'd even try to keep on liking them, but it wouldn't work and that really scared me. I'm still really trying to figure it out, but I just don't know. Anyways, I'm here if you ever wanna talk about this or just chat<3
Thanks! It's comforting to know I'm not alone with these thoughts, i've always felt so different and no one could relate. Hopefully we'll both figure it all out some day. :icon_bigg
