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I know I'm not straight, but????

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hiraeth, Sep 13, 2015.

  1. Hiraeth

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    Hi, I've recently come to terms with my sexuality and am pretty new at this. I'm not completely dead-set on labels but I believe they're helpful, so I'm just looking for some clarity.

    Basically I know that I only want to have sex with females, males/the male body does not arouse me at all, and any physical contact with guys I've had has been highly uncomfortable and feels "wrong". However, I am definitely attracted to some guys and think I maybe want to kiss them, but when I do it's weird and uncomfortable. Even if I think I'm attracted to them, I have never truly desired to have sex with a male.

    I didn't know about being gay until I was 9 and didn't hear about bisexuality until I was 11. I never thought I could be anything but straight. I had many crushes on boys and was totally "in love" with this one boy from when I was 9-13. That was the last age I really experienced romantic attraction for boys. I found some boys attractive throughout high school, but when I stopped liking him then I never really had another crush on a boy. As I began having physical contact with guys I was attracted to, I became more and more turned off by them and my interest nearly disappeared. I'm now 18.

    Meanwhile, the minute I became capable of really having sexual attraction (I was probably 12, like puberty age) I was only sexually attracted to the female body. I remember being obsessed with Victoria's Secret models and Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl video (so embarrassing I know..) while images of attractive men triggered no response. STILL, I was totally convinced I was straight.

    It wasn't until I had true crushes on girls in high school that I realized I definitely wasn't straight. What I actually am is what is confusing... at first I thought bisexual, but then I really faced the fact that never in my life have I desired sex with a male like I do with females and the sexual activity I've had with males has been unarousing and unenjoyable while with females it just feels "right." Yet I can't shake the fact that I've had very strong feelings for guys and have been attracted to them (at a distance..) even though most were when I was very very young. Do you think I might be homosexual-biromantic? I don't want to eliminate the possibility of hetero relationships though, so do you think I could call myself "homoflexible"?? Or is that basically the same thing as bi??

    Thanks for your opinions... since I don't want to stress myself out too much over the specifics I'm always good with "queer." :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Hiraeth, Sep 13, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2015
  2. levi2000

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    Although I can't tell you what your orientation is, it sounds to me like you're homosexual biromantic. I say this because you say you aren't sexually attracted to men, but can be romantically attracted to them.
    "Homoflexible" is usually associated with sexual attraction, but I don't see why you can't identify as homosexual and homo(romantic)flexible or something like that. Saying you are -flexible means you usually have one orientation, but occasionally you will/can have exceptions.
    Hope I could help!
     
  3. QBear

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    From what you are saying, it sounds like your are most likely a lesbian that is either biromantic or grappling with heteronormative pressure to be interested in men.

    Even when you talk about liking guys romantically, you qualify it by saying its "at a distance". That to me suggests you may be trying hard to find some shred of hetero behavior in yourself to live up to social pressure. That's totally understandable, but just remember that its TOTALLY OKAY TO BE GAY. :slight_smile:

    I'd advise just going with the lesbian label for now so you can get on with the process of coming out to yourself and accepting yourself. If you are both sexually and romantically attracted to women (which it sounds like you are), then you'll be most satisfied dating and partnering with women. So functionally, the lesbian label would probably be a good fit.

    And, if in the very unlikely event you meet a guy that you like, you can always switch labels. Its not like you'll have to pay a fine for getting it wrong. Lol. But you will pay in suffering if you delay fully embracing your authentic, wonderful lesbian sexuality.

    Good luck. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Hiraeth

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    Thank you this was very helpful :slight_smile: