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Bi-curious, lesbian or straight and i'm overthinking?!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by blablahb, Sep 15, 2015.

  1. blablahb

    blablahb Guest

    Hello all, thanks in advance for reading

    Okay so where do I begin. I've been with my boyfriend for approx 18months, we have a sexual relationship and I enjoy having sex with him, although i'm worried that I am possible bi or lesbian or curious?

    I love the feeling of penetration, what he does to me sexually is very pleasing - but i'm unsure if i'm sexually attracted to HIM or just what he is DOING to me?

    I have had two previous sexual partners (male), who I enjoyed having sex with, but not as much as I do with my current boyfriend, as I love and trust him more.
    Sex has always had an awkward mental factor to me - I tend to think rather than just DO?
    I don't have an urge to devour him as such, although I can enjoy giving him pleasure, I like his penis, but I don't LOVE it?

    I sometimes overthink when we are having sex - if my hand grazes his 'pecs' i think 'am i a lesbian, should there be boobs here? am I imagining boobs in place of his pecs?'

    Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if he had curves?!But even writing that makes me cringe so i'm not sure I do. But then I love his arms as they are stong and muscley - but they don't make my bits tingle from just looking at them? I don't think I have ever looked at a male and felt a strong sexual urge - but i have always persued males.

    I instigate sex and like the idea of it and doing it - but then I worry - am I wet enough yet? do I find him sexy?
    Sexual relations have always been awkward in the beginning for me - I don't know what to do with the penis, or more like I do but i'm scared I'll do it wrong or something- would this be different with a woman?

    I remember feeling awkward in middle school when all the girls fancied a particular guy - I didn't get 'crushes' and I felt guilty about this. I became attached to various girls when I was going through puberty (when I was under 13) and always felt super into them, but not necessarily like I wanted to date them? Just that I really really liked ot be with them. But I don't know if I fancied them, maybe I did?

    I can identify which female celebrities I think are pretty and have nice figures etc, but I find it harder with men - I don't get all hot and flustered like other women do when talking about Johnny Depp for example. I remember I really liked mary-kate and ashley olsen when I was younger. I liked Ashley more because she had a rounder nicer face and mary kate was cute but in a different way - is this lesbian thinking?! I didn't fantasise sexually about them.

    I'm confused - is this because I have repressed lesbian/bi tendancies? Or am i making this up in my head?

    Any replies appreciated.

    ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2015 at 12:19 PM ----------

    Also, sometimes I can feel like my chest tightens up, that I become aware of my breathing more if I am thinking about a woman that's attractive on tv or something

    ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2015 at 12:36 PM ----------

    If I think of a lesbian that I know of that was straight orginally and then 'came out', I feel guilty, like 'oh is that me, maybe i'm like that' - but still there's no direct arousal for women to go with that?

    It's not like i'm fantasising about women - if you asked me to masturbate I wouldn't really know what to choose - maybe some straight porn where the man is loving to the woman.
    I'd be too afraid to watch lesbian porn in case it brought out my lesbian side?
     
  2. tentacles

    Regular Member

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    I'm going to say my opinion, you don't have to agree with it - it's just an opinion.
    It sounds like you are into women and afraid of that, but it's hard to tell if you like men too or is experiencing compulsory heterosexuality.