Hello EC! So, I really like guys. I mean.. I KNOW that tis is true (clears sore throat ) i dont know if I like women sexually. Im pretty sure I dont because when I was discovering I was gay (only hit me I could be gay last year at 20) I couldnt get arroused with fantasies of women or women in porn or anything. but I still find myself occasionally watching women in porn and fantasying about women which I am arroused for. But the whole time while doing I feel like im doing the wrong thing. Like I should be watching guys instead.(i feel aroused, but a voice in my head is laughing at me) So IM confused as to why it just feels more normal to watch(or fantasise) women rather than guys in porn. I dont think its a sexual thing - I feel like it must be a shame/guilt thing. When I see girls I still sometimes think - ooo, i could talk with her and she might really like me .... im always more concerned with whether a girl I see, will like me - tis why I feel like my "attraction" to girls is more of a "I want her to think Im attractive" sort of thing.I feel like showing off and impressing her but I think its more likely just my narcissism. But at the same time - I have BIG troubles being social with women. I struggle to just talk with them and that. they are too sensitive. I feel like I have to watch what I say around women and be a bit more careful and I struggle to make any sort of connection. This has been a life-long concern that has never went away. I always felt disconnected from girls in my school and at the workplace. So.. Im either bi but have social issues I need to work on with women. or Gay with Straight-OCD overall it doesn't really matter - its not effecting my life that much. But would be cool to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar or has any words that could help? <3
