Hi guys, over the past couple of months I've been questioning my sexuality. This all started after a guy friend came out of the closet. A friend I had actually developed a crush on. After he came out and I saw that before he came out he was living a pretty miserable life and I started questioning if that would eventually be me . Would I discover that I was unhappy in my life and divorce my husband? So I was always thought I was bisexual or maybe bicurious based on " playing doctor " experiences I had as a little girl, like one lesbian dream,a pond finding girls attractive . Seems kinda silly but I thought hey maybe whatever. It never bothered me that I could be until now. Here is a couple of things I was moltested as a child which definitely affected how I experince sex and till now I still suffer from anxiety bc of it. Now Im Questioning whether this anxiety over my sexuality is due to a manifestation of my mental illness or an actual true identity. Here is the thing I have never been sexually or romantically attracted to women. It's always been men. Like I find women super attractive and I check them out but not in a I want to have sex with them, it's more of a she has a hot body, I wish I had her body thing. However my obsessive thoughts keep questioning that ... Like are you sure ? Maybe I always just hid this feeling from yourself? Etc. etc... Like I would be okay with being bisexual if that's the case but I don't want to be complete state of anxiety over it. Help !!
I'm sorry that happened to you when you were a kid, no one should go through that. From what I gather, it seems that anxiety, in a general sense, is causing you to think too far ahead into something that may not even be true. I can can appreciate the looks of the of women, and I'm not going to lie women are quite awesome. However, I would not be in a relationship with one. In fact, being in a relationship with a woman last year didn't feel right to me. In addition, all my life, I've been masturbating to men, and sometimes women of course (hence my Kinsey 5). You said you have not been sexually or romantically attracted to women, but could definitely find them attractive in a sense of their body. With that said, to me, you do not sound like a Kinsey 6 (completely gay), or a 5 for that matter. Kinsey 0 would be completely heterosexual. So using the Kinsey scale as a guideline, where do you think you fit?
You sound pretty straight to me? You said "I have never been sexually or romantically attracted to women. It's always been men." That sounds like pretty much the textbook definition of straight to me. Women are beautiful! But that doesn't mean YOU want to sleep with them. Having issues with heterosexual sex doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay. You listed a number of other possible reasons that you may feel anxious about sex that seem quite plausible.
Thanks for the comments. I'm starting to think that my thoughts are coming from a manifestation of my mental disorder than a real change of sexuality. Like when it wasn't this, it wasn't something else that dominated my mind. I guess in a Kinsey scale I would be a 1 or 1.5 based on "accidental" experiences. I remember I kissed my girl best friend in party once, I also kissed my gay male friend that night. Well we all made out with each other just for fun. Kissing my girlfriend was like kissing my sister or a wall. Like I don't remember feeling tiltalated at all. Thanks guys this is giving me bit more clarity .
