I identified as bi before and genuinely believed I was, but over the last year since I started questioning, my attraction to guys has slowly dissipated and it keeps on doing so, while I realize how much I like girls. This is the first time I'm saying it, well typing it online, kinda to get used to the feel of it: I think I'm gay. When I was younger, I didn't know anything about the LGBT community. Being straight and cis was the only thing that was real for me. When I first heard about gays/lesbians it always felt like they were some weird foreign race and due to the way I was brought up, I was creeped out by it. I've realized I feel differently about my other crushes vs. my girl crush. I just felt "oh, they're really attractive" and fangirled over them for a few weeks-a month and then I was done. With her, and now I realize, girls in general..I just feel differently. I feel really deeply towards girls. I find them attractive and I feel sexual attraction and have this connection- one I never thought of with men. My male crushes, I fantasized about them admitting their feelings and a little kiss, and things like sex, long term relationships, and marriage with guys just never felt right in my mind. I always fantasized about love, marriage, and sex too...and it always ended up being genderless, though it was with males. Example- with sex. It was always a genderless person or feminine guy doing things to me, and myself not reciprocating- male anatomy just didn't feel right to me. I eventually realized lesbians were real and not as rare, and not perverts, and I felt less homophobic. Then suddenly my whole sexual attraction got completely shifted to girls. And romantic attraction seems to be doing the same. But I'm not sure. I don't know if I am. And if I am, it's hard to accept. Being bisexual, I can grow up and marry a man like a "normal" person. Have kids. Like my parents wanted. I'm scared if I come out, even in the future, they'll say knowing about it has poisoned me or something of that sort. Or "you're turning out just like your aunt. She married a girl" - like it's an insult. I always had that internal thought that being pan or bi was better because you didn't judge people based on gender. But I realize it's not. Being straight, or somewhat attracted to the opposite gender just seemed "normal" I don't know if I'm in denial or not gay. But ever since I started to question whether I was straight, I thought, progressively- Straight, then straight with one exception, then Heteroflexible, bi, bi with female leaning, homoflexible, biromantic lesbian...and now I think I'm lesbian. A few nights ago, I stayed up late, crying in my bed when I came to this realization that I could be... And now the thought is finally lifted off and it feels better just letting it out. Mostly a venting post and another step for myself- any responses would be appreciated though
I can relate. I never thought that maybe being lgbt or anything was an option untill my mom was an intern for that organization. After that I never really thought about guys the same. I volunteered with them and I realized I wanted the girls to like me. Of course I also wanted guys to like me but I din't want to like them back. Being gay is normal it is just less common. I can't help you that much because I don't even know myself. I went to those weird stages of saying I was different sexuality. I think when you become more confident with your sexuality you begin to accept your homosexuality more. but i don't know... hopefully this helps.
The fact that you finally let it out shows that, in some way, you're starting to accept it, which is good I had trouble accepting my sexuality too. The question that kept popping up in my mind would be "why me?" because I had always heard about gays and stuff, but I would never imagine that I would be one too. Just give yourself some time. After a while, you're gonna fully accept it
