Being lesbian vs being straight and finding females arousing

If you can see yourself having sex / romantically involved with men and women, maybe you're bi?

But i dont think anyone should read too much into labels. As Shane from the L Word says.. "Sexuality is fluid, whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow."

Hope that helps.

 

I know people say that's normal, but how do we know those women aren't actually bisexual, and just have been too pressured by our heterosexist society to not act on it, and hold too much internalized homophobia? Why wouldn't this affect gay men? I think society just worries about women not being with men because it undermines the Patriarchy.

I wouldn't say not being aroused by images of naked men means you're not attracted to men, though. But if you're never aroused by any guy, then yes, that's pretty gay.

And I totally know what you're going through. I first thought my attraction to women was how straight women felt, since society likes to make all women out to be latent bisexuals.

I think you're genuinely attracted to other women. I think you're probably also genuinely attracted to men, based on the crushes part. You might prefer women, though (join the club!).

 

Hiraeth, you took the words out of my mouth - that is exactly how I'm feeling right now, and it's so confusing. I don't mind whether I'm a lesbian, bisexual or straight, but I'd just like to be able to pin down how I feel, and decide which label fits me best. Although I do wish labels weren't necessary, for me being able to use these labels to describe how I feel would make coming out that much easier.

At the same time, I believe that over-thinking these things can often create more problems than it solves - some of the best advice I've heard recently is to just try not to think about it (easier said than done, I know), and just go out and live your life... date whoever you feel like and are attracted to, and just see where it leads. You can then decide which label fits you best (if you feel the need to give yourself a label) later, when your brain might not be confusing things so much. I am yet to try this, so I'm not sure how practical/possible I will find this advice yet - but everyone's different, so it may help you, who knows.

 

Would you want to be in an emotional committed relationship with a female, see yourself dating them, sharing space, living life with a female?

I think arousal is not the only indicator of your sexuality. My husband its completely straight but finds some men very attractive, he doesn't want a relationship with a man or to have sex with them but he does enjoy looking at them from time to time. On a similar not I know some gay women who also enjoy looking at a well chiseled mans body, but they do not want to have sex with them, or be emotionally involved.

So if you can differentiate or.explore the idea of all things related to what it means to have a relationship and do so with a woman in mind, you may be gay or bi. This idea that orientation is only about sex is why that thread about it being oversexualized was started

 

I think I would put it to a real life test. Like are you sexually and romantically attracted to guys or women you actually have interactions with ? Pictures are just that, people I think can be excited by a pic others need more than that to experience arousal but when it comes to real life action, would you want to be with a men ?

 

depends on if you are attracted just on looks but have no sexual desires or if you do have them sexual desires i guess. Maybe give it a go and see what you think no harm in trying out

 

I found this relevant:
What Women Want: Women Are Less Attracted To Masculinity And Men Are Less Attracted To Femininity


Also, it could just be empathy that causes your arousal when you view aroused women. Arousal by association sort of thing. I think because you are a woman and have female genitalia (I assume), you know how it feels for a woman to be aroused, and so when you see another woman aroused and acting sexually, you know how it feels on yourself and it turns you on because you like it.

This isn't really sexual attraction. It's more like sexual empathy. It's practically impossible to feel this for the opposite sex because you don't know what an aroused penis feels like. You don't know the throbbing pleasurable feeling of having one. So it doesn't really arouse you. You would have to start using your imagination in order to make the image of the penis something arousing - like maybe imagining the penis inside you. Because you would know what that would feel like -- it's something you can actually relate to.

And unless you are someone who can be aroused just by looking at nudity of men (most women agree that they cannot--that it does nothing for them), it's unlikely that you will find it arousing to look at still photos of males. You may need more than that. I think most women do.


My best advice to you would be to GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD and go experience actual human beings. Fantasies are just fantasies and should be treated and viewed as fantasies. Real sexual attraction happens with real human beings, not with the images you conjure up in your mind.