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In love with straight best friend

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by GC2610, Sep 20, 2015.

  1. GC2610

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    I would really greatly appreciate any and all advice given here.

    I am 24 and my best friend is in her mid 40's, we have been best friends since the moment we met each other about 6 or 7 years ago.
    Around about 2 years ago on NYE we had a bit of an awkward moment where we went to kiss goodbye on the cheek but wound up just having a short quick kiss, at the time I was surprised by this and I know her well enough to realise that she was too.
    After that moment I started thinking more and more about her, within a month I realised that I do have feelings for her. Then I noticed she started doing things that we had never done before, we'd be sitting on the couch and she'd run her fingers through my hair, if we were out with other friends she would constantly rub my leg under the table, everything about her demeanour changed.

    Eventually one night we had a few too many beers and she asked me to drop her off at her boyfriends (she didn't want to stay but her house was too far away) so I walked her to the front door, chatted to the moron (I don't say that out of any form of jealousy, he is just downright intolerable) then announced I was leaving and that I'd walk to the corner and hail a taxi. By the time I stumbled to the end of the driveway (it is very large) my friend had run out after me, taken me by the hand, pulled me out of his view and kissed me and by the time my drunken brain had processed what had just happened she was walking back down the driveway.
    She never mentioned it again and I never brought it up.
    The flirting continued though and again several times she just walked up to me when she knew no one was looking and would kiss me very passionately, then just walk away and act as if nothing had ever happened.
    By that stage every time we would sleep together if we weren't holding each other face to face we would be spooning one another and holding hands, generally with her waking me up with a back massage.
    Eventually I told her that I had feelings for her (because hey, she's my best friend, who the hell else am I gonna tell?) to which she casually replied, "I know."
    The saga continues, we'd walk everywhere hand in hand, she'd still continue to kiss me but its become more and more frequent and more public (she had me pinned against a wall kissing me on a very busy street at 6pm one time).

    My problem is that I've never had any sort of feelings towards another woman before, but no matter how hard I try I cannot get her out of my head. She has always said that she is straight too and I have never seen her act this way towards another woman.
    I feel as if she is trying to give me the opportunity to make the real first move but for one thing I wouldn't have a clue how to as I am so confused about all this and also I have been rejected many times in my younger years so not only am I scared of that, I'm more terrified that I could lose my best friend if I am just reading too much into it.:eusa_doh:
     
  2. idsm

    Full Member

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    She knows you have feelings for her, you have talked about it and still you´re spooning, she gives you massages, kisses you and even pins you against walls in public view.

    You ´re not reading too much into anything.

    The question is if both of you are ready to embrace your sexuality and have a loving relationship or if there are any other barriers (eg. age gap?).

    Talk about it. Best of luck and keep us posted! :slight_smile:
     
  3. CapColors

    Full Member

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    Yeah, what idsm said. You're not reading into anything: this is not normal straight bestie behavior.

    Although...as someone who is close to 40, I can tell you that midlife regrets start hitting around this time. Please make sure she isn't using you as a "safe" midlife crisis. 24 is old enough to know what's up in life of course but just a note of caution.