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I am actually bisexual - wtf?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by zeecoop, Sep 21, 2015.

  1. zeecoop

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    Hey, so... let me just condense the last year of my life into a paragraph:

    this time last year I thought i was straight but over last christmas (literally up until about 2 months ago) I was struggling to fully understand my sexuality. I started to feel noticable and almost uncotrollable attracted to guys. It was strange but felt like something I had no choice over. I struggled for ages to accept being gay. This Im sure was for lots of reasons. Acceptance of famil/friends. Uncertainidy of how much of my personality I Had repressed (unsure of what was "Me" and what was "me trying to fit the gay stereotype"). But the main thing was that I felt like I was missing out on something I really wanted.

    Womens bodies are great. They are beautiful and I they are aesthetically pleasing. I'd really like to...ya know.... but until I fully accepted mysefl as gay, i never had confidence to actually want to do it with a women. I call myself "gay and straight-curious" right now as Im still unsure as to what I feel.

    I know that I prefer guys. Ive been meeting up with an older guy and doing stuff with him and I really enjoy that! Im not sure if I could do the same with a girl. I want to, but ive never been with a girl (i hardly talk to girls... and im 21 :/) and I feel like a loser, like im not enough for them.

    Women in everyday life though just really PISS ME OF. I have been told im sexist and misogynist - but i think im just a realist. I wont go into it here - but, I am a traditionalist in that I don't think women should be working on IT technical support helpdesks for example. (I use to be REALLY liberal, then I actually started working in the real world and my opinions quickly changed)

    Im not sure if im bi. I really like women and feel like If I just peruse guys that I'm missing out. But I feel like if I just persue girls then I'm missing out.

    I didn't really think about girls for over a month (just concentrated on guys) but now i feel urging to look a girls in porn and talk to more girls.. i just feel like a looser and like I have nothing to offer girls.

    are there any truly bisexual guys out there?

    I might just be gay and trying to fight it still. subletly bargaining maybe?
     
  2. Chip

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    It's hard to say. Keep in mind that only about 10% of the population fall at either end of the Kinsey spectrum (according to Kinsey) and everyone else is somewhere on the continuum.

    There are lots of gay men who see the beauty in women, enjoy spending time with them, and at the same time, have zero interest in sex with them (think Kurt on Glee.) So what you're describing may well fall within the realm of bargaining.

    Now if you're actually interested in having sex with a woman, and feel sexual arousal toward women, then that would be a pretty clear indication you are at least somewhat bisexual. However, given what you describe, I'm not really hearing any strong sexual attraction. I wouldn't say it's anything to stress over.

    I do have to tell you that your comments about women's roles are extremely offensive, sexist, and misogynistic (not to mention blatantly false), and you are likely to offend just about everyone, male and female, if you continue to share them.

    Women are just as competent and capable -- often more capable -- of technical, computer, engineering, and almost any other role you can think of as men are, and you might be surprised to know that one of the first and most highly respected computer software engineers, credited with writing the first compiler-based programming language, was a woman. (Look up Grace Hopper.) I've worked in IT-related fields for many years, and while it is a male dominated field, the women I've had the opportunity to work with have been equally competent, and often more so, than their male counterparts.
     
  3. bi2me

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    Chip, thank you for much more eloquently saying what I was thinking.
     
  4. waternation

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    "Women in everyday life though just really PISS ME OF. I have been told im sexist and misogynist - but i think im just a realist. I wont go into it here - but, I am a traditionalist in that I don't think women should be working on IT technical support helpdesks for example."

    Seriously.

    :bang:

    That's not being traditionalist, that's being misogynist.

    "Oh, I'm not a racist. I'm a traditionalist. I just believe that black people should have segregated seating."

    ....You see the logic here????

    Anywayyyyyy, your question... Maybe your warped views about the female gender are influencing how you see women, not just socially but relationship and sexuality-wise too. If you're attracted to women and men it's possible that you are bisexual, but if you only want to be with men, then you could be bisexual with a preference (even if that preference is largely conscious). There are real bi guys out there, just as there are bi girls. If you're worried that you're gay and still trying to fight it off... well I think even bisexuals have this thought from time to time, especially if they have a preference, so it could be either way. Only you can really answer that, but you can ask yourself questions such as which gender you would be happier in a long-term relationship with, who you would rather want to kiss and be intimate with, not just admire. It can take a long time to figure out, or it can be pretty quick once you've realized you're not heterosexual. My own sexuality is fairly fluid, and I've gone from labeling as straight to bi, to almost gay, and now pan because even though my preferences are all over the place depending on the time (usually for my own gender, up and down with guys), if I fell in love it wouldn't matter what the persons gender was. It's just the surface attractions that seem to change :confused:

    Also, I ask you to please, please reconsider your 'traditionalist' position towards females too, and not lump a whole gender together. We are all individuals and some of us don't even want to work behind an IT desk (seriously, how boring would that be :rolle:slight_smile:.

    Thank you (*hug*)
     
  5. AshleyDi

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    I'm still confused as to how you used the word, traditionalist. Those points have nothing to with traditionalism. Your point of view on that women should basically go back to the way they were before the 70's is closed minded, and that kind of defines your character. My advise on your confusion about being a bisexual is to make sure that every girl you tend to get with, try out, or whatever you see them as "objects", is to let them know from the first chance you think you are going to have a further time with her, is to tell her that you have been living a gay man's life, and you are feeling bi-sexual, so i hope you don't mind. Don't be one of those people who end up not telling her, because a lot of strait women will find it a turn off that you are actually gay, so they would rather just be friends.
     
  6. RavenTheRat

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    I understand your confusion about your sexuality, confusion is very normal. :slight_smile: Your focus may switch from one gender to another, and you might go through phases of which gender holds more of your attention. It does sound like you might be in the range of bi, perhaps heteromantic homosexual or something like that.

    That is being a Misogynist, not a traditionalist. I'd suggest that you try and have a more open mind.
     
    #6 RavenTheRat, Sep 26, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015
  7. Pathetic Coward

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    Might end up on the wrong side of a flame war here -- but I went through a phase like that. I want to call it understandable but irrational.

    When you've spent your life being told to be XYZ ("straight") and you think if you try you might still be able to pull off being XYZ (bi/questioning) and "she" (whatever woman crosses your path) isn't living XYZ, what else can a person expect?

    You're following the script, why isn't she?

    This of course is narrow minded to the point of stupid. Because idiots/incompetents/'bad" people come in all colors and genders. And the "script" is only in your head.

    Mowgli, friend, I'm going out on a limb here but I'll wager you're much more of a live and let live person than you came across as. At the risk of engaging in logical fallacy, "a true misogynist" would have the sense to not post such views where they are sure to be challenged.

    What helped for me was accepting that my life is about me and not anyone else. Not Mr campy-show-toons gay-best-friend, not Little Miss SJW from an upper middle class background who insists that living a first world nation is the worst thing evar. Not the haters or the deaf/mute gods. ME.

    Next time you're dealing with someone who "pisses you off" take a second and ask yourself why. Life can be a mirror sometimes. And when the internal self is disorganized(speaking from personal experience) -- all you see are threats, everywhere.

    You don't have to like anyone but yourself (google "gay misogyny" for a different POV if you must). But being angry at large sections of the human race points to not liking everything about yourself, either.

    That and it probably won't help you on the straight-dating scene, either.

    (*hug*)

    PC
     
    #7 Pathetic Coward, Sep 26, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015
  8. Confuseddude

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    I haven't even read all of the replies but I'm pretty confident in assuming that people have pointed out how ridiculous your views on women are. I agree with them all. I don't think I can be bothered to give any further input.
     
  9. Batman

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    Considering your views, and lack of sexual attraction to women, I think it would be best if you don't pursue them at this point. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  10. CapColors

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    I thought your POV was very interesting. I'm not sure the OP is as thoughtful as you are: I can only hope he takes your advice to engage in thoughtful self-examination.
     
    #10 CapColors, Sep 27, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2015