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Very confused. Am I aromantic?:/

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bubbles123, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    So I've been kind of stressed about this lately.

    Here's some background:
    Even when I was younger, I didn't really get it when other kids had little "relationships" (like in elementary school). I've never had a real crush on someone except maybe in 6th grade. Yes, I've been flirty with guys and had a couple little relationships, but that was more because I was confused and was forcing it. I never actually liked anyone.

    I sometimes find people cute, but I'm rarely sexually attracted to people. In fact, I've only been sexually attracted to one girl, my best friend. But it's not even that I find her sexy most of the time. It's like when she hugs me or touches me I get kind of turned on/tingly feeling. I also get kind of jealous when she's like that with others or she has crushes on other people. But besides that, I don't think I have romantic feelings for her. I mean she's my best friend and I get turned on by her (which is a first for me). She even has had a crush on me for a while. So why can't I return those feelings for her? Perhaps something's holding me back? But what?

    I'm so confused and scared that I'm aromantic. Is it possible I just haven't found the right person yet (I only have 9 girls in my grade so not a lot, but I do know a lot of other girls and guys)? Is it possible I'm not ready to like someone yet and will someday? Could I just be afraid of loving people for some other reason?
    I'm so stressed and confused about this. I don't want to be aromantic, I want to be able to just have crushes on people and even fall in love with someone someday.
    Anyone have any experience on this or ideas as to why this is?
    Thanks in advance.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Sep 2015 at 11:54 AM ----------

    By the way, sometimes in the past I've been flirty with guys and get excited when they'd text me and stuff, but then as soon as they wanted something serious, I'd get really scared by them and turn them down. I've never had a girl ask me out or anything so I don't know if it would be the same, but I have a feeling it would be. Whenever people like me, I feel like I couldn't like them the way the like me and I don't want to hurt them. Or maybe I feel inadequate or something? I don't know, just thought I'd add this.
     
    #1 bubbles123, Sep 23, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2015
  2. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Sorry, I also want to include that with this friend I have a crush on, I also really want to kiss her sometimes when I'm with her, at least on the cheek and stuff. I don't know if that's indicative of anything but yeah. Sorry for all the details:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  3. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    I would feel the exact same way and, as you are right now, I was afraid that I was aromantic. The idea of dating somebody made me feel nervous and anxious, and I just couldn't commit in a relationship with anyone. But then I realised that what caused me this block was the fact that I wasn't sexually attracted guys, which prevented me from starting a relationship with them. That's how I started questioning my sexuality, realizing in the end that I'm in fact attracted to girls. I've never experienced anything with girls, but the idea of dating one doesn't make me feel anxious at all, and actually I would love to date a girl, so that's how I figured things out :wink:

    Might it be that you don't feel like dating guys because you're not attracted to them?
     
  4. Kaiser

    Kaiser Guest

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    There's a few things you may want to consider before reaching for the "aromantic" label.

    It's possible you just haven't found somebody to click with, or you have but, for whatever reason, you have some sort of anxiety or issue. There's depression or stress; all kinds of things to look at, and may actually be the culprit.

    The little things you've described, I wouldn't say you're aromantic. Something else to keep in mind... most (not all) individuals that I see claim the aromantic label, believe or imply that others have this non-stop attraction to people. If that were true, nothing would ever get down, and you know, life goes on. Things are getting done. It's the same with asexuality, most (not all) that claim this seem to believe or imply, others have this non-stop lusting for people. Again, that's not true.

    Finally, romance can be a very overwhelming thing. It can make one feel like they have butterflies in the stomach, or it can cause them apprehension. It can be a very vulnerable experience, which requires a great deal of trust and expectation. And people, in general and in our social circles, can convey a message that it may not be worth it. But we can't let that dictate to us, because there is a whole world out there, far beyond where you and I reside.

    Just some things to think about.

    <3
     
  5. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Thanks guys<3
    Your responses were very helpful and made me feel a lot better.
     
  6. sabrinaa

    Regular Member

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    I don't have any advice, but I can totally relate. I've never actually found anyone online say this exact thing that I've also been feeling. I can also get flirty with guys and once they actually want to date me or something I always turn them down. I just get a rush of dread and anxiety. I don't know what it is, but I back off super fast. I just immediately get turned off and don't want to talk to them anymore, I am just not interested in relationships. I have also never had a girl ask me out so I have no clue how I would react to that. I have a feeling it might actually be okay and that I might not turn a girl down though, but who knows?
     
  7. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    This was literally me nine months ago!
     
  8. Chairman2012

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    I think you should just give it time. It's really understandable to want to label yourself and figure out who you are. But sometimes it's really best to take a step back and just enjoy life. I know this is kind of bad advice but I'm going through the same thing. I started thinking I was gay, then pansexual, then asexual, and now I have absolutely no idea. That scares me a little, not knowing but I'm also a lot happier when my sexual orientation isn't on my mind 24/7. So my best advice would to just be confident in yourself. Sexuality is a changing spectrum and sometimes you can't define how you feel or who you are in words.
     
  9. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Thank you guys all so much for the advice and thoughts about this! Still trying to figure it all out, but hopefully it'll turn out alright. I feel a bit better about it now.
    Thanks<3