How should I go about figuring this out

Hey!

I have seen posts like this before but I thought I'd throw in my own.

I'm a 30yo male

While I figure I am straight... I tend to date girls, want to talk to them more often/find them somewhat attractive (They catch my eye nearly %100 of the time), and have sex with them.. I seem to be experiencing something weird.

a) none of the times I have had sex have I ever felt hugely aroused by the situation and this has resulted in not being able to get hard/perform. This might have something to do with point b). The act of getting to the point of sex can be arousing, but not the actual act itself. I do admittedly also have some anxiety around it. For some reason, at the end of the day (if it isn't due to the porn), I am just not that into it.

b) I watch a lot of porn (admittedly) and I really only prefer seeing women in it. I have watched gay porn and normal everyday straight porn but that doesn't do it for me. Something about just women works for me.

c) I have had intercourse with transwomen and have enjoyed performing oral in those two situations, but still no go in the performance dept. With regards to oral.. sometimes I feel like I want to do it (but can't) when I am with a girl.

I haven't really ever, beyond kissing a guy once in a club while dancing (for like 30 seconds), really done anything with guys. Even when I did that, it wasn't like fireworks were going off either. Though, that was a situation where things were happening suddenly. I don't think there was enough time to register anything and I was uncomfortable with it moving so fast. I barely look at guys, don't feel like I am attracted to them but I also feel like I don't give myself a chance. I have this fear of being called out or things turning violent because you look at the wrong person the wrong way.

How can I figure this out in a way that would allow me to be in control of the situation. I certainly have thought of going to clubs, but I almost feel I want to at least get to know the person beforehand.. see what being on a date with a guy is like (shouldn't be that much different, though I wonder how blind I'll be to being flirted on/flirting). After all, I can definitely say one way or the other if I haven't made an attempt.

Has anyone on the forum talked to anyone else or have seen/given any kind of advice for someone in my position? I feel like the cards are stacked toward straight, but if this is as good as it gets for sex... I'm doomed. I recognize that you can still have an active and fulfilling sex life but something about what I am doing now feels empty and I wonder if it's an issue of orientation rather than driven by psychological factors/anxiety of being with women.

Also, I feel like I might have some kind of self directed fear/phobia of being gay, but that might be more societal (facing criticism if I were to be seen with another guy.. that sort of stuff.. not like "It's wrong to be gay", I do not believe that at all). I am not at all homophobic.

This is just a start and I don't think maps out everything... Feel free to ask more questions! I will answer as much of them as I feel comfortable. I would love to hear what others have to say about this and would like to get to the bottom of this.

Thanks,