1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

This stuff is driving me crazy...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by melissakok, Sep 23, 2015.

  1. melissakok

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Hi all. Ive been very stressed out because im trying to fit into a box and I dont. Im so tired of labels. I would much rather be with a woman for a million reasons but im attracted to guys sometimes too but to a very much lesser extent. Ive been physically ill for weeks trying to fit into the boxes of bisexual or lesbian and I dont feel like I do. I hate my thoughts. But im trying to accept myself and its so hard. I think about my female love interest like all the time and fantasize too very often throughout the day but then this morning I liked a guy a bit but I feel like my destiny is with a woman. It feels like my truth my spirit my essence if that makes sense. I wish I could talk to someone like me. When I was attracted to the guy this morning my spirit felt stifled and I again felt like I had to act a certain way and look a certain way and etc.

    But since exploring. my sexuality and thinking im a lesbian ive felt so free to be me and look at girls. Walk how I want dress how I want fantasize all I want and so many things make sense that have never made sense before. Stuff ive justified away for years or that other people have justified for me. It all makes sense now but then why do I find guys attractive sometimes? I know that in the past ive been very attention seeking so I think its mostly explained. also im very people pleasing and im finally getting help for that too. I knew how to get attention from guys by doing physical/sexual stuff if that makes sense. Never looked at who I want to be with/whats best for ME. its been such a long journey. Does anyone relate? Are there any lesbians out there like me? I feel like something's wrong with me and im so tired of struggling. I wish this was clear cut. Ive mostly been with men in the past but have dated/liked many women just stifled those desires within me. I feel like its the real me. Ive been intimate with a girl but not one that I really liked. I just wanna be me. Help! :bang: :icon_sad: :help: :tears: :eusa_doh:
     
  2. biAnnika

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,839
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well...the easy solution, of course, is to stop trying to fit into a box. Why should you?

    Just be you, live life, date the people you want to date, form the permanent relationships that feel right, and be friggin' happy.

    In case you care, you sound like a Kinsey-5ish to me...not entirely unlike me, but a significant bit less attracted to guys than I am. The kind of person who will maybe spend *all* of her (romantic intimate) time with women, but might enjoy an occasional fling with a guy if she's available and it feels right in the moment...but not (necessarily) as a prelude to any kind of serious relationship. Or maybe the guy thing is just interest/curiosity, but will never actually manifest into anything real. Doesn't matter.

    If this sounds like you to you, I'd say it's not inappropriate to identify as either bisexual or lesbian...it's kind of on the cusp. But don't go crazy trying to "figure it out"...there's nothing to figure out...just life to live. Enjoy it.

    I dunno...is any of this helpful?
     
  3. Lin1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can totally relate to this even though I feel like the label bisexual fits me as I am very conscious of my attraction to guys. It's just a label though, it doesn't define me nor who I am or how I act, I define myself. You should too.
    You said you've been ill for weeks trying to fit into boxes, but why ? I know how stressful and how mind-fuck it can be to be attracted to both and not understand why but I also know that what matter at the end of the day is to be happy doing whatever I am doing or being whoever I am being and not so much the word that would help people understand who or what I am. If you are very attracted to women and also very remotely to guys but only see yourself dating women, why bother looking for a label ? Just do what your guts tell you, date who you want to date, if someone tell you you are bi or x or y, would that change or alter this attraction? The feelings you have for women ? If not, then is it really worth the trouble and stress you are putting on your shoulders to label yourself ?

    I know I find both sexually attractive but I know I like women more, I can imagine myself with a woman much more easily than I can with a man, when I kiss a woman it makes so much more sense than when I do a man and in the long run I can picture myself much more with a woman than with a man, I am still bi though. My friends know I am bi and they also know I currently feel stronger about women. Yes, sometime, I get headaches because of my bisexuality and because of my attraction to men, but it doesn't really alter what I feel for women.


    I can totally relate to that on so many level as accepting yourself allow you to be so much more free as you don't have to hide. What surprise me is you implying that labels would change anything to that. The question really is, why do you put so much importance to labels ? Why do they have such an impact on your life ? If you feel like ''lesbian'' fits you then it's fine to call you that. If you still have a slight attraction to guys you may be bi or simply homoflexible but as I say, I don't think it matters in the long run as long as you don't force yourself to be with someone you don't like/love to fit a label. Good luck ! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Lin1, Sep 23, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2015
  4. melissakok

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Thank you guys so much. I had a really hard day yesterday but talked to a lesbian friend who's been out for a long time, so anyway thats why I haven't responded. But I really appreciate your input. Its nice to know that were all kind of all over the map with sexuality and that I can call or not call myself anything I want. I need these affirmations sometimes just because I have so many preconceived ideas and notions and lies that ive formed over the last 20 years or so while struggling with my sexuality. I finally feel ready yo look at me honesty and im just so happy I have your support here on this site. Glad that the younger people have it too when they're starting this journey. My friend that I talked to last night said that its like a pendulum and that eventually everything will calm down and ill find my center. Thanks again guys gotta go back into work. (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  5. Lin1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am glad you realized all of this OP and that your chat with your lesbian friend was so constructive. Wish you the best and has you friend said, everything will fit into place with times I am sure. (*hug*)