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I'm Not Looking For a Label, But Understanding; I Do Need The Help.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Zero23, Sep 25, 2015.

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  1. Zero23

    Zero23
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    Thank you for clicking. ^__^

    My own words; "it doesn't matter what you call yourself, you will still like whoever you like." While that is true, there are things such as not knowing what to answer when asked about sexual orientation (which can be frustrating for a person who likes me, to name an example), along with other things that seems to build up.

    I am female and I am 23 years old.
    I will try to describe my feelings best way possible, and I hope someone might have an answer.

    I have been in love three times. Once with a guy, two with girls.
    I am absolutely sure that I am not bisexual, and I'll try to explain why.

    First off, this is how I feel about sex:
    I am ONLY attracted to people I have feelings for, those CAN be strong feelings for a friend (one which I am not in love with, but love).
    When I do feel attracted to someone, I do want to sleep with the person, however, under the actual act my attraction disappears. I only feel turned on before sex, not while sex - if I'm in love with the person then I'll still feel attracted to that person afterwards.
    I have never gotten anything out of sex, but experienced my sexual partners enjoy themselves a lot, which was nice many years ago but has now become, in lack of a better term, annoying.
    This is a problem since I have started to hate sex. At this point while writing this I am not sure if I want to ever have sex again, a thought that really saddens me.
    I have been wondering whether this is a psycological problem or simply has to do with my sexuality.
    I suppose that I experience only emotional attraction, no psychical one.

    About my orientation:
    Guys: I have been in love with one guy who I was with for a long time. I did enjoy sleeping with him, yet even with him (I loved him) I craved being with a girl.
    I have felt very slight attraction towards a few other guys, but not enough to wanting to actually sleep with them.
    Girls: I do know for sure that I am into girls. Also, I feel right in a relationship with a girl. Yet, the problem I described above, about sex, is still a problem though it is a girl that I am with.

    Does some kinda bell ring for anyone when reading this, or is it just that I'm crazy lol?
    Any thoughts on this will be highly appreciated.
     
    #1 Zero23, Sep 25, 2015
  2. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    This sounds new to me, so I don't know if I can give good advice on it. It sounds to me, though, that you might be demisexual, because you said that you feel sexual attraction only toward someone you have a strong connection with. It might also be that you have a low sex drive, which means you're not a person who particularly enjoys sex.
     
    #2 fxngirl, Sep 25, 2015
  3. Zero23

    Zero23
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    Thank you for your input, I will try reading about this term. :slight_smile:
    concerning sex drive, I'm convinced that it is in fact quite high, but just not psychical (if that makes any kind of sense). I love sex in the mind, yet when having sex it turns into a completely psychical act.
     
    #3 Zero23, Sep 25, 2015
  4. A Curious Cat

    A Curious Cat
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    Hey, so I just wanted to let you know you're not alone on getting nothing out of sex. I don't get anything out of hookups/makeouts/sex/whatever either. Zero feelings, nothing. But the mental game? That's very, very satisfying. I find I'm a very sexual person, but not in the physical sense. For me, sexual gratification is all from the sexual tension and witty word play. The build up is the fun part, but I'm pretty meh toward the sex itself. Not sure if that's exactly how you feel about it too?

    As for sex itself, I wouldn't suggest giving it up entirely if that thought makes you sad. You may just need to shift your perspective on sex and its purpose. Maybe don't look at it as though you're missing something and that it's not the same for you - try to appreciate it in a different way. It's an intimate connection with your partner and showing trust, it's also a great stress reliever and making your partner happy. Even if you're not getting the same sensation from it, you can still get enjoyment or satisfaction. You may also just need more mental stimulation during the act.

    Also, demisexual sounds about right for your orientation (from my understanding) if you want to put a label on it.
     
    #4 A Curious Cat, Oct 1, 2015
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