I am a 16 year old female. I never even thought about questioning my "straight" sexuality before a few weeks ago. I live in a super small, super conservative community. I grew up as a tomboy but always had crushes on boys and have been sexually attracted to males. I have been friends with this girl for the last 3 years but we only became close a couple of months ago. She came out as pansexual (but prefers women) last year. She knows me to be straight but I have been slowly developing deep romantic (not sexual..) feelings for her. We're both single right now but whenever she talks about hooking up with another girl, I get secretly jealous. But when she talks about doing anything sexual with a girl, like eating out and using toys and stuff, I am very turned off. I get all warm inside when I see she texted me or when she laughs at my jokes and dumb lovey-dovey stuff like that. I have had dreams about kissing her passionately, but no farther than that. She sometimes says stuff like "ugh if only you weren't straight" to me when we have nice bonding friendship (???) moments but I can't tell if she truly means it. I hate to admit but I don't find her sexually appealing, rather I find her extremely attractive deep down when we talk about things like life ambitions and philosophy and views on the world. I would love to kiss her and cuddle and make out with her but I worry that if I go there, she'll want to go further and I don't want that. Could it be true that I am only emotionally or romantically attracted to a girl, but not at all sexually attracted? Or do I only feel like this because I am friends with her and am aware that she's pansexual? Sorry this is so long, but if anyone could help me out I would be eternally grateful. I don't necessarily need to label myself, but I do need help understanding what's happening with my sexuality. I will try to reply to posts on this thread asap, so don't be shy to ask me questions/ about info I might have forgotten. Thank you!! :icon_bigg
Let's suppose there's a distinction between romantic and sexual attraction. I'm not sure there is because it hasn't been proven yet, so many people believe it's not true. Anyway, based on what you said, you might be biromantic heterosexual. Or, it might be that you feel a kind of "attraction" toward her because you enjoy the attention she gives you. There's nothing bad about it, I would feel the same way toward a guy even though I wasn't attracted to him sexually.
Welcome. Glad you're here. Hang out and see if you don't come to your own understanding. Sometimes it takes time to sort through your feelings. Usually, you are the only person who knows what's right for you.
Well, I think the main thing is just to firstly give it time and secondly to have an open mind. I've recently gone through a similar thing with a friend of mine. I did have a little bit of sexual attraction to him but like with your friend it was mainly romantic; he was the first person I really thought about myself in a relationship with. But I think the main thing that will give you an answer is just time. For now just enjoy what you're feeling for your friend! If you think it would help it might be a good idea to talk to her about what you're feeling for her and perhaps she might help you sort through your feelings. But for now I think the best thing you can do is just accept your feelings. You feel more than friendship for this girl. Maybe it means you're bi or gay, maybe you're straight and this girl is special to you, but in any case be patient and take your time with this! I've found that with something like this, the more you think about it the further away the answer becomes. So I think just keep talking about it, with us on EC and with your friend if you feel like you can. Time will show you what you feel, and whatever the answer is it doesn't make your feelings for her any less real!
Thank you so much all 3 of you for being so accepting and supportive. I appreciate each of your replies and mentally benefit from them knowing that, with time and internal reflection, I may be able to see myself in the right way. I will take your advice and take my time and perhaps talk to my friend about what I'm going through. Thank you again
