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Am I gay if I fantasize about gay sex?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by UTHS, Sep 26, 2015.

?

Am I gay?

  1. Gay

    16 vote(s)
    34.8%
  2. Straight

    2 vote(s)
    4.3%
  3. Bi

    28 vote(s)
    60.9%
  1. UTHS

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    I am a 212 year old virgin. For most of my life I considered myself straight. I have always been attracted to women, although I have never been in any sort of relationship with one. A few years back, whilst masturbating, I started having thought about sex with men (being both a top & a bottom) which I found arousing. These thoughts continued, and I realized that I was turned on by gay porn, although I can still be turned on by porn involving women. I now regularly fantasize about gay sex, and it has caused me to question my sexual identity. Do you think I am gay?
     
  2. HardToSay

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    You are gay. Embrace it. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Chip

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    I concur. Nothing in what you have described would indicate to me that you are straight.
     
  4. Serperior

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    If you're attracted to woman too then you're probably bi
     
  5. lastking

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    If you are constantly having same-sex fantasies on a regular basis then chances are you are sexually attracted to men. However, in the end, it really depends if you want to act on these fantasies.
     
  6. sam the man

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    The above posters have a point regarding the sexual fantasies. If you're having same sex fantasies regularly and you enjoy them, then yes, there's a good chance that something is up.

    But at the end of the day sexual orientation is about how you're attracted by other people and not just sexual fantasies. That is to say, I think you should also consider what your feelings are towards guys in real life (e.g. guys you pass on the street, guys you know, celebrities perhaps). It might not be easy at first because there's a lot that could be going on to cloud your judgement there (e.g. denial).

    What I'm saying here is, I think your sexual fantasies are certainly something to consider but don't rush to a conclusion simply on the basis of just that. Look at how you feel towards other guys in real life too, romantically/emotionally as well as sexually.
     
  7. whoagirls

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    Okay, it really depends. Do you actually want to have sexual activity with people of the same sex? Do you want to date people of the same sex? If you said yes to both, you may be bi or gay or pan or whatever else there is. If you said yes the first one, then you may be homosexual hetero-romantic. If you said no to the first one and yes to the second, then you could be heterosexual biromantic or homoromantic. You just have to look a little deeper into yourself to find out. But no, having those fantasies does not automatically mean you're anything but straight.
     
  8. AshleyDi

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    If you are sexually and emotionally attracted to females, but at the same time recently enjoy self pleasure to gay porn, then I think you are strait. You can't confuse sexual orientation with sexual lust, or fantasy or curiosity. If you know you can equally love a man emotionally and physically just as you can with a women, then you might be Bi-Sexual, and honestly if you are a bi-sexual then you will need to ultimately choose one or the other unless you marry a open relationship type.

    ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2015 at 08:48 PM ----------

    I agree whoagirls, people tend to confuse the lines between what love is and what just sexual lust is. But it isn't there fault really, I think that society is putting way to much pressure on people to identify with some gender label, or sexual orientation label. I think that in every guys life at one point or the other, they have explored the same sex, and even went through a gay porn phase. It ultimately lays to rest were you find your emotional comfort with, male or female.
     
    #8 AshleyDi, Sep 26, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015
  9. Awesome

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    You are 212 years old?!:eek:
     
  10. Geek

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    IKR. What's his secret.
     
  11. HardToSay

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    I see a problem in drawing a distinct line between sex and sexual fantasies on the one side and romance on the other, because our society is still pretty homophobic. Just the fact that people still talk about "coming out" as such a big thing, really says it all!!

    I will give you my example: I started having such fantasies and feeling extremely guilty about them, very early in life, as soon as puberty hit and sex became something I was aware of. But I was a guy, a guy who had grown up a guy and who had heard tons of other guys and his family members how bad, disgusting, atrocious, pathetic being gay was. Gays were disgusting beings who deserved to be humiliated, beat up, and most definitely made fun of. Just inferior human beings. Well, I am the type of person who is not strong enough to allow himself to go through that, I am too proud, and also quite a bit scared of the consequences that being an out gay guy in the late 80's and early 90's would bring on.

    So, I have never allowed myself to feel emotionally about a guy and if I did it was as a "platonic crush", "very good friends", "someone strong and kind to me I looked up to for understanding and protection".

    So I think I found a solution in my head: if I were a girl, it would have been perfectly normal to be with a guy, no shame, nothing strange. In my fantasies I would always be a girl with a guy.

    For instance, there was a guy I would see in the sauna almost every day that I would find very attractive, both physically and emotionally, I could have so easily let myself go in his arms, I could have so easily been his girlfriend, no problem there. His body was wonderful, his eyes warm, strong and kind, everything about him was amazing, including his arms, shoulders, etc. The irony is that I later found out he was actually gay...

    The point of my story is: sexual fantasies are a clear, disinhibited indicator of your desires, without filters, without too many barriers: your instinct cannot be tamed.

    Romance, on the other hand, is filtered by society, by shame, by whether we want to have children or not, by where we live, by how many friends we have, etc. Much more complicated in other words and not so "free flowing" as sexual instincts.

    Additionally, I must say that it would have been a lot easier for me and my happiness if I also had not paid attention to all those "sources" who would say things along the lines of "Well, just because you are sexually attracted to a guy, it does not mean you are not straight, you are heteroflexible, fantasies are free"... "Just because you like to be penetrated and you love to imagine penises inside you does not mean you are not straight"... "Just because you fantasize about giving oral to a guy you saw on the bus the other day, does not mean that you are not straight"... "Just because you do not really enjoy putting your penis inside a woman, does not mean you are not straight"... "Just because seeing naked women does not produce sexual arousal does not mean you are not straight, you are a nice guy who does not objectify women"...

    So when is someone "not straight"?? I say, if you constantly fantasize sexually about guys, you are so most definitely NOT straight, whether you are bi or gay depends on societal factors but YOUR body is telling you that you are NOT straight. Trust your body, it knows what it wants.

    ---------- Post added 27th Sep 2015 at 12:08 AM ----------

    One more thing: has anybody else noticed how different posts from young men and post from young women questioning their sexuality are?

    Young men: I "am afraid" I might be gay..
    Young women: I "think" I might be a lesbian...
     
  12. FANTIE

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    You are gay or bi. (Do you like women?)
     
  13. DeanEverywhere

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    Haha, you made me lol
     
  14. Spirits

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    You're probably bi , but more attracted to men than women.

    However, if you have never fantasized about women then you're probably gay.
    Cos we can also watch straight porn (rarely) but we just pay attention to the male and not the female partner.

    I was 14 when I last watched a straight porn , cos now p*ssies make me feel nauseous,
    I find them "gross" (no offence to all the girls out there)
     
  15. HardToSay

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    Do you feel your attraction to women get weaker over time and your attraction to men stronger?
     
  16. UTHS

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    I wouldn't say my attraction to women has lessened over the past few years. I also wouldn't say that I notice or think about if men are attractive in the real world. I would also say that whenever I think about being in a relationship, it's always with a women, despite my sexual fantasies about men.
     
  17. Spirits

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    I never felt any attraction to women , I just watched straight porn twice cos I thought I had to (I regret it)

    If your fantasies about men are just sexual and not romantic (relationships and such)
    then you're Straight and curious.
    However, if you do dream of having a boyfriend or holding an other man's hands while walking in the park *.* (lol I went too far)
    then you're bi (but more attracted to women than men)
     
  18. Kinky

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    :roflmao:
     
  19. Chip

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    OK, I think it's really important here that the OP understand that nobody should be saying anything conclusive, and I didn't make that clear earlier. Statements such as "You are gay" or "You are straight and curious" or even "You are bisexual" are not anyone's statement to make because only you, OP, can know what your sexual orientation is.

    I see a whole lot of people trying to draw distinctions that I don't think are really helpful here because of the whole stages of loss aspect, which people tend to either conveniently ignore or otherwise not consider.

    In short, when someone first begins to see and process the idea that s/he may not be straight there are stages in processing that loss (of straight identity): denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.

    During that time, you really can't take at face value any comments about "well, I still really like women, but I've discovered that I'm watching gay porn all the time and it really gets me off" because they might be completely accurate... or they might be a part of the bargaining process (acknowledging same-sex attraction, but not being ready to let go of the idea that one could have a normal life.) And before someone jumps on me... no, I'm not saying he couldn't be bisexual, as there are certainly plenty of people who are legitimately bisexual. There are also, however, an awful lot of people who identify as bisexual during the bargaining phase and later realize that it was, in fact, part of bargaining. I've seen that bridge identity last 5 years before the person says "Ya, well, it was a nice idea, but it was bullshit and I was lying to myself."

    So the truth is, nobody (perhaps including the OP) knows what the objective truth is here. What I inferred from the OP's opening post was that most of the arousal and attraction was to men currently, and that this was far more arousing than any attraction toward women. This would lead me to believe he's probably closer to gay than bi or straight, and almost certainly not questioning. The pattern is consistent with people who are in the bargaining phase, which in his case, makes me think "gay" or "gay side of bi" is more likely than another label... but again, I'm not in his head and don't know for sure.

    So let's just try to be cautious about making absolute statements, as none of us are qualified to do so, and that may not be helpful to the OP (or, for that matter, to anyone else.)
     
  20. brainwashed

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    I'll go out on a limb. I'll say your behavior does not necessarily mean you are gay. What you are searching for is your innate sexuality. Ask yourself, who do you want to be with? Who do you want to tell your secrets to? Who do you want to care about and look out for? Who do you want to live your life with? Who do you want to dance with?

    I now personally do not think sex is a great indicator of sexuality, it's to powerful and to distracting. My god, testosterone is so powerful we males would screw an alley dog if it was socially acceptable.

    Later