Hello, I am a young adult who is unsure of their sexual orientation. all my life I've never really had a proper crush on someone, I've liked a few boys but it was never a proper crush. I've never wanted to kiss a boy or get intimate with one, and watching male porn bored me senseless. When I watched straight porn, I wouldn't keep my eyes off the woman. Now I'm so confused, because I've always thought I was asexual as I've never had sexual dreams or anything like that, nor have I ever had a romantic crush on a woman. However, whenever I watch lesbian porn, I feel really warm inside and my muscles seem to tense up, and things happen downstairs too. Does this sound like sexual attraction? I always want to do it as well. I don't know how to measure the attraction though, like it could just be a placebo effect or something. I also get really engaged in lesbian relationships on the TV, like Naomi and Emily's relationship on skins, whereas straight relationships I never seem to really feel. Despite this, I've never seen a girl irl that I wpuld want a relationship with; could I be gay?
Asexuality, at least if we're using the widely-accepted and used definition, is exceedingly rare. Being asexual according to that definition would mean having no sexual drive or attraction whatsoever, and that being a permanent, unchanging, hardwired condition, in the same way that hetero- or homosexuality is. Far more common is a dramatic reduction in sexual drive/attraction/arousal secondary to something else. People who experience depression, aggression, or anxiety, those conditions are very highly correlated with a decrease in or absence of sexual arousal, and even according to the (crappy) studies that exist, a huge percentage of the people who self-describe as asexual also self-describe as having anxiety or depression or aggression issues. What you describe when watching lesbian porn does sound consistent with attraction and arousal. And it is also very, very common for people who are same-sex attracted to find that their sexual attraction is suppressed, in part because our conscious mind doesn't want to own that we could be lesbian or gay. So while I can't say definitively, I can say that it doesn't sound like you now (or have ever) fit the definition of asexual, if we're using the widely accepted one, but what you describe does sound consistent with being a lesbian.
