I'm a 17 year old male, nearing 18. This post is really on two issues, that are kind of related. I've pretty much always considered myself straight, but in the last couple of years have had feelings of 'sexual attraction' towards males. I would now consider myself 'bi-curious' and have come out as such to around 4 of my closest friends (all of whom have been extremely accepting) - and that's all (three of these are female, because I do tend to find them easier to talk to - online, at least). I know, for sure, that I'm attracted physically to women, and, as I say, have started to think I'm physically attracted to men, too. I've only ever had relationships with girls, although these have all been short-lived, and the kind that teenagers often have just to have one. I've never even really considered relationships with boys. I think this could either be a phase, what with me being a hormonal teenager, and all. Or, I could actually turn out to be bisexual. I wouldn't have a huge problem with this. I'd prefer to just be straight, however, since it would reduce a lot of complications and difficulties. This brings me, not so gracefully, onto my second, somewhat more complex, issue: My apparent lack of most affectionate emotion. I've thought about possibly being aromantic, but I don't think that's right. I don't really understand what "romantic feelings" means, or if I have experienced them. Those past relationships were, as I said, just for the sake of it. There was no real substance there. It seems very shallow to say that. To say I had no real feelings for any of those girls. But that's the way it is. I'm not sure if I have no feelings in that way, or if they're there and I'm unable to 'read' them, or if they just haven't shown themselves yet. After talking to one of the people I came out as bi-curious to thinks that I just haven't met the right person, whether it be a man or woman, yet to kind of 'activate' those sorts of feelings. It's all terribly complicated, I can't even begin to understand it myself. I don't really know why I'm posting here. Might just be for somewhere to say it all. Anyway, I apologise for the hideously long-winded post.
Welcome to EC! Be sure to post in the Welcome forum too, to introduce yourself. Sometimes other posts get buried by more recent ones and then no one sees them... I too wonder what "romantic" means, and I'm going through my own questioning. My rather sarcastic definition of romance for myself is "when I have expectations of someone that I would never dream of having of a friend." But that's just me and my baggage. Anyway - welcome and please make the rounds of the Welcome and other forums. People here are awesome and friendly I promise!
Well, tbh there could be any number of things going on here. It is, as your friend suggested, quite possible that you haven't met that person who will "activate the feelings". Like in my case, I went through high school, yeah, sure attracted to girls in a sexual, although abstract, way. But all throughout I kept a distance from relationships. My attitude was pretty much "Relationships? Ehhhhh... they seem like a lot of work. I'm not bothered". While all the other guys in my school were getting girlfriends (or banging on about their attempts to), I was quite content to ignore all of that; it simply didn't matter to me. It seemed like it would continue that way in uni last year. But after a few months of knowing my flatmate, and going to movies and meals with him, I began having thoughts like "huh. This kinda seems a bit like a date. Actually I'd like that if it was a date". And I developed feelings for him, at the high points I felt like yeah, I would definitely try a relationship with him. And it was the first time I'd seriously considered pursuing something like this. So it might take someone like that who'll surprise you. It might also be the case that you're just not at a stage of life where romantic relationships are a big priority. And that's fine; there's no rule saying having romantic feelings are a prerequisite to your happiness. The best thing to do for now I think is to let go of the need for an answer. Put it this way: you'll know when you feel it. If there's a person who you want to be around, who you fantasise about when they're away, who you think of waking up next to and protecting, etc. then you've probably got romantic feelings for them. For the time being, it seems you don't have that for anyone. But you don't have to! Not knowing about your romantic feelings doesn't make you less of a person, and you can't be defined just on the basis of that. For now it might be a good idea to focus on other stuff - just meet a variety of people, develop friendships, and see where you end up. P.S. DW about the length - I've seen and indeed written much longer :icon_wink
